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April 2011
Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
you know how life can really screw you around? it really sucks.
i went into BMTC with the objective to train hard and well, to get a marksmanship badge to be proud of. and now, life takes a turn for the worse. i really cant believe it. i feel a terrible pain in my knee. it hurts so bad that i cant sit crosslegged for more than 5 mins. i cant walk properly at times. i cant do the things that my platoon mates are doing, training out in the sun and getting fitter. damn damn damn damn damn...
it sucks. i dont want to just sit around and do nothing all day. i cant believe how shitty my life is now. its like im living for no reason. my objectives before NS were crystal clear. i dont need to be the best, since there are others better than me, but i want to prove something to myself to make it out of NS in one piece with achievements. but now, they are trashed. it just goes down the crapper like that. i cant do the things my friends are doing and i feel useless.
im trying my best to cope with this additional fall. i have to push myself to the physical limit and try to recover in the shortest time possible. i dont want to laze inside and office doing nothing everyday or menial shit. im going to get myself well and get back into training no matter what.
i went into BMTC with the objective to train hard and well, to get a marksmanship badge to be proud of. and now, life takes a turn for the worse. i really cant believe it. i feel a terrible pain in my knee. it hurts so bad that i cant sit crosslegged for more than 5 mins. i cant walk properly at times. i cant do the things that my platoon mates are doing, training out in the sun and getting fitter. damn damn damn damn damn...
it sucks. i dont want to just sit around and do nothing all day. i cant believe how shitty my life is now. its like im living for no reason. my objectives before NS were crystal clear. i dont need to be the best, since there are others better than me, but i want to prove something to myself to make it out of NS in one piece with achievements. but now, they are trashed. it just goes down the crapper like that. i cant do the things my friends are doing and i feel useless.
im trying my best to cope with this additional fall. i have to push myself to the physical limit and try to recover in the shortest time possible. i dont want to laze inside and office doing nothing everyday or menial shit. im going to get myself well and get back into training no matter what.
I messed this area @
10:51
10:51
its finally over. technically so. may go back to office tmr for a short while though. make sure that things are running smooth.
things went up the crapper for me today and i was so pissed that i just hung up the phone and kinda shouted "fuck". the people from other tables just stared at me. well, im pissed off, so fucking sue me all right? i cant give half a rats ass one way or another.
anyway, tomorrow is another day. we'll see how things go. i still have yet to pack for NS. figures that i dont need to pack much anyway. go in and get bua everyday by the sargeant. lol... figures that my life is meant for others to see and have their little amusement.
i want to do many things, together. but im afraid. the future seems so uncertain and so shaky since what i want to do entails danger on the crazy meter... more like overboard i should say... would you want to do it together as well too? haha...
well, i cant really think properly already. it is proving hard and contradictory. not just that, its flabbergastly controversial. to hell with it. i dont know what im doing, but i know im heading somewhere somehow someway. where i end up, time will tell. that i believe in.
things went up the crapper for me today and i was so pissed that i just hung up the phone and kinda shouted "fuck". the people from other tables just stared at me. well, im pissed off, so fucking sue me all right? i cant give half a rats ass one way or another.
anyway, tomorrow is another day. we'll see how things go. i still have yet to pack for NS. figures that i dont need to pack much anyway. go in and get bua everyday by the sargeant. lol... figures that my life is meant for others to see and have their little amusement.
i want to do many things, together. but im afraid. the future seems so uncertain and so shaky since what i want to do entails danger on the crazy meter... more like overboard i should say... would you want to do it together as well too? haha...
well, i cant really think properly already. it is proving hard and contradictory. not just that, its flabbergastly controversial. to hell with it. i dont know what im doing, but i know im heading somewhere somehow someway. where i end up, time will tell. that i believe in.
I messed this area @
01:08
01:08
Enrique Iglesias - Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song)
Do you know [x3]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can't get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I'm standing on the edge and I don't know what else to give.
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
How can I love you [x4]
If you just don't talk to me, babe.
I flow through my act
The question is she needed
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did,
I could never see us ending like this.
(Do you know)
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that's never happened to me.
(Do you know)
But after this episode I don't see,
you could never tell the next thing life could be
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x3]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x7]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed
Do you know [x3]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know how it feels)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
OOO (Out Of Office) today! and its my last day! Woohoo!!!
my lower back aches for some unknown reason. its painful but bearable. i just hope that it heals when i go into NS. any case, i handed over my work to the respective parties and distributed the rest. should do ok... work is technically over and im free from my troubles. part of it anyway.
Do you know [x3]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can't get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I'm standing on the edge and I don't know what else to give.
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
How can I love you [x4]
If you just don't talk to me, babe.
I flow through my act
The question is she needed
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did,
I could never see us ending like this.
(Do you know)
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that's never happened to me.
(Do you know)
But after this episode I don't see,
you could never tell the next thing life could be
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x3]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.
Do you know [x7]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed
Do you know [x3]
[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know how it feels)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
Do you know [x4]
Do ya
OOO (Out Of Office) today! and its my last day! Woohoo!!!
my lower back aches for some unknown reason. its painful but bearable. i just hope that it heals when i go into NS. any case, i handed over my work to the respective parties and distributed the rest. should do ok... work is technically over and im free from my troubles. part of it anyway.
I messed this area @
00:59
00:59
im slightly messed. haha... must be the alcohol talking now. well, at least i got great company and understanding. something i have always yearned for and love for it to happen daily. i thank my luck that i see something different now. and im happy with my life and how it turned out.
love is not all about sex. or is it? haha... nah... love is all about understanding and concern for the other party. thats love to me. pity love has been degraded to just sex and physical intimacy. so im old fashioned. so i like love stories. so sue me. something that reality screws up big time, is the view on love. not many understand love nowadays. in a nutshell, it means that you bother to find out how the person's day goes, listen to their problems and be there for them when they need you most. in current reality terms, its called best friend. lol... well, i do wish wistfully that someone can see the same view like i do. but it proves hard.
i failed many, and i failed myself many times over and over again. and i dont blame them. i wronged someone badly too. very grossly badly. i take back my words and pray that forgiveness comes my way. catalyst or not, its just a matter of time. time is something i can never turn back.
well, i gotta head off to sleep already. im working tomorrow and i have to hand over my stuff in order. i have no intention to pass on my work sloppily. makes things smoother for the transition and to ease the workload on boss. no point making him overwork and 'niam' at me later.
and lucky jai was there to fetch me home too. haha... been a long time since i called jai up and talked. friends like these are hard to find. but these friends, i treasure and keep always. they are the ones that look out for you and make sure things are safe to proceed with wise words.
love is not all about sex. or is it? haha... nah... love is all about understanding and concern for the other party. thats love to me. pity love has been degraded to just sex and physical intimacy. so im old fashioned. so i like love stories. so sue me. something that reality screws up big time, is the view on love. not many understand love nowadays. in a nutshell, it means that you bother to find out how the person's day goes, listen to their problems and be there for them when they need you most. in current reality terms, its called best friend. lol... well, i do wish wistfully that someone can see the same view like i do. but it proves hard.
i failed many, and i failed myself many times over and over again. and i dont blame them. i wronged someone badly too. very grossly badly. i take back my words and pray that forgiveness comes my way. catalyst or not, its just a matter of time. time is something i can never turn back.
well, i gotta head off to sleep already. im working tomorrow and i have to hand over my stuff in order. i have no intention to pass on my work sloppily. makes things smoother for the transition and to ease the workload on boss. no point making him overwork and 'niam' at me later.
and lucky jai was there to fetch me home too. haha... been a long time since i called jai up and talked. friends like these are hard to find. but these friends, i treasure and keep always. they are the ones that look out for you and make sure things are safe to proceed with wise words.
I messed this area @
01:56
01:56
the fridge is coming tonight, and i got something on tonight! shit! damn damn damn. oh well... im busy praying that the fridge doesnt arrive at 2030. otherwise, im screwed to the max. busy busy at office, time to kick back and relax and enjoy 2 years of NS.
I messed this area @
12:20
12:20
its friday!!! wahahaha... im lazy to work already. and i only have 3 more days of work. then im free to go into NS and get kicked around by the sergeant. shit la... still havent pack. no time. upcoming event damn big and still havent prep everything yet...
I messed this area @
12:11
12:11
shit. my fridge just went down on me. it died. damn. gotta go out shopping for a new fridge already. lucky there is ice to tahan for a while first. well, work calls.
I messed this area @
07:09
07:09
"There is no such thing as a prince charming or a dream girl, never existed and never will. Get over it." - quoted Anonymous
how true. actually, it depends on one's outlook yeah? im just sick and tired of being let down time and time again. then again, its my fault that the relationships fail. simply because of many reasons, one among them is my temper. lets just put it this way. when i care more for a person, i tend to get angry easily and worry more for the person than usual. its just a streak within me that i always worry and try my best to look out for the person concerned. but sometimes, i realise that it takes an overt step and becomes, unreasonable.
well, to heck with it. simple as it may sound, it isnt. its a multitude of things. my passion to work and make my job neat and tidy is another. it just falls apart for me naturally. i wonder how people can balance so well, while i take on the sense of ultimate responsibility.
my work, MUST, always be in tip top condition, with as little mistakes as i can put it out to be. that is me. i would not give a second thought about staying late should it require my extra time. i am so. my work is very much important to me and i make sacrifices for it.
maybe im just mad. i have no idea. if i am, then i have no fucking idea that i am. in that case, im well and truly screwed. in another 12 days, i will go in to BMT. within 10 weeks, i will come out, if ever, to serve for 2 years in the unit. and then, seeing how things go from there, 2 points of departure. one would be to study in NUS, and the other, leads to my leaving of Singapore and never returning again. its not that i hate Singapore. its just, well, it doesnt provide me the opportunities that i seek and crave for.
people close to me know part of my plans. i dont want to divulge much to them, seeing that it would make me seem like a crazy idiot. i have more plans than just to drive a truck. much more grandiose plans. but those, will be locked within my mind, never to share with others. those are my personal plans. my very personal plans. and i intend, barring mishaps, to meet them out to the letter in every sense. well, the future will tell. and tell it of my story, it might.
how true. actually, it depends on one's outlook yeah? im just sick and tired of being let down time and time again. then again, its my fault that the relationships fail. simply because of many reasons, one among them is my temper. lets just put it this way. when i care more for a person, i tend to get angry easily and worry more for the person than usual. its just a streak within me that i always worry and try my best to look out for the person concerned. but sometimes, i realise that it takes an overt step and becomes, unreasonable.
well, to heck with it. simple as it may sound, it isnt. its a multitude of things. my passion to work and make my job neat and tidy is another. it just falls apart for me naturally. i wonder how people can balance so well, while i take on the sense of ultimate responsibility.
my work, MUST, always be in tip top condition, with as little mistakes as i can put it out to be. that is me. i would not give a second thought about staying late should it require my extra time. i am so. my work is very much important to me and i make sacrifices for it.
maybe im just mad. i have no idea. if i am, then i have no fucking idea that i am. in that case, im well and truly screwed. in another 12 days, i will go in to BMT. within 10 weeks, i will come out, if ever, to serve for 2 years in the unit. and then, seeing how things go from there, 2 points of departure. one would be to study in NUS, and the other, leads to my leaving of Singapore and never returning again. its not that i hate Singapore. its just, well, it doesnt provide me the opportunities that i seek and crave for.
people close to me know part of my plans. i dont want to divulge much to them, seeing that it would make me seem like a crazy idiot. i have more plans than just to drive a truck. much more grandiose plans. but those, will be locked within my mind, never to share with others. those are my personal plans. my very personal plans. and i intend, barring mishaps, to meet them out to the letter in every sense. well, the future will tell. and tell it of my story, it might.
I messed this area @
04:21
04:21
im bored. work still has a whole shitload of backlog, but i cant complete all. thanks to a couple few, im still stuck. and stuck, i dont like. dont like to leave things undone for long. damn it. and monday is my deadline. i sure as hell hope that by monday, its completed.
anyway, i feel like i want to go out to drink tonight. any takers? haha... i just need to relax and clear my mind off work. it just keeps rolling on and on, and i need a long break. well, considering, my break will come when i go into NS. i cant wait. maybe i'll get screwed over there, maybe not.
im not all that worried about NS. at the very most, die lor. wahahaha... if i die now, i still will have no regrets even though i still have not gone to Canada to drive the ice roads. im happy with what i have and what i have achieved. i touched lives, and people have touched me as well.
anyway, i feel like i want to go out to drink tonight. any takers? haha... i just need to relax and clear my mind off work. it just keeps rolling on and on, and i need a long break. well, considering, my break will come when i go into NS. i cant wait. maybe i'll get screwed over there, maybe not.
im not all that worried about NS. at the very most, die lor. wahahaha... if i die now, i still will have no regrets even though i still have not gone to Canada to drive the ice roads. im happy with what i have and what i have achieved. i touched lives, and people have touched me as well.
I messed this area @
15:18
15:18