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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
sleep comes hard. the dreams, they are so real. vivid as they are, i know different. i feel different. i sense differently.
张学友 - 一千个伤心的理由
爱过的人我已不再拥有
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
错过的人是否可以回首
爱过的心没有任何讲求
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
走过的路再也不能停留
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
爱过的心没有任何请求
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
走过的路再也不能停留
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
张学友 - 一千个伤心的理由
爱过的人我已不再拥有
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
错过的人是否可以回首
爱过的心没有任何讲求
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
走过的路再也不能停留
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
爱过的心没有任何请求
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
走过的路再也不能停留
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
I messed this area @
01:22
01:22
1 Peter
hard > never able to grow roots since it cannot germinate
stony > roots do not grow deep and therefore susceptible to winds
thorny > seed germinates. but weeds kill off its nutrients
predatory > seed is taken away before it is able to take root
hard > never able to grow roots since it cannot germinate
stony > roots do not grow deep and therefore susceptible to winds
thorny > seed germinates. but weeds kill off its nutrients
predatory > seed is taken away before it is able to take root
I messed this area @
05:19
05:19
'if you focus on what is left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead.'
how true. but how ironic too. i cant stop dreaming.
how true. but how ironic too. i cant stop dreaming.
I messed this area @
03:08
03:08
again the dreams come. its a different version every night. i try my best to stay awake, but still they lie in wait for me to nod off. damn.
maybe it'll wear off, maybe it won't.
maybe it'll wear off, maybe it won't.
I messed this area @
17:52
17:52
WTF! again the dreams happen. what the hell is going on? shit. the dreams are different everytime. different scenarios, different locations. damn, this is getting serious.
well. i've done what i can already.
well. i've done what i can already.
I messed this area @
16:09
16:09
wah piang! what the hell. how come i keep dreaming these past few days? and its not nightmares either. its dreams about you. about so many people.
it just looks and seems so real. so vivid. oh man...
it just looks and seems so real. so vivid. oh man...
I messed this area @
14:35
14:35
fuck. printhead repair worst case scenario would set me back around SGD$150. damn. i think i might as well buy another printer, but i like this current one as it went through a few things with me and its still a better model among those that epson throws out now.
anyway, printer down, bo bian. went over to shaun's place at night to get my documents printed. then print already, talk cock till the rain stopped. but it didnt really stop anyway. left quite late. but at least my documents were printed out...
anyway, printer down, bo bian. went over to shaun's place at night to get my documents printed. then print already, talk cock till the rain stopped. but it didnt really stop anyway. left quite late. but at least my documents were printed out...
I messed this area @
23:59
23:59
argh... my printer broke down. damn. the printheads are clogged up. seems like i got to send it in to get it repaired. well, didnt use it that often, so the ink dryed up. bloody hell. wonder how much its gonna cost. call tmr and check out the pricing.
anyway, i am left now without directions. im finding my bearings slowly but surely. and i know what i am going to do. at least that is a start. the sermon taught me a lot.
1) let go of past experiences
2) grow in the lord
3) the best is yet to be
how apt. at least it applies to me, since i cant let go of past experiences. im gonna have to learn, and learn good.
anyway, i am left now without directions. im finding my bearings slowly but surely. and i know what i am going to do. at least that is a start. the sermon taught me a lot.
1) let go of past experiences
2) grow in the lord
3) the best is yet to be
how apt. at least it applies to me, since i cant let go of past experiences. im gonna have to learn, and learn good.
I messed this area @
23:20
23:20
I got my Nuvi already. set me back almost 1.2k. but its worth it. at least i wont get lost that often anymore.
well, i still think about what happened, and what my actions caused to lead it just so. haha. i guess im screwed. in any case, i'll just let time tell the tale.
the time now seems so empty. i think of the fridays, saturdays and sundays spent together. thats all in the past now isn't it? its just fading away. and i cannot stop it. but the memories still stay.
well, i still think about what happened, and what my actions caused to lead it just so. haha. i guess im screwed. in any case, i'll just let time tell the tale.
the time now seems so empty. i think of the fridays, saturdays and sundays spent together. thats all in the past now isn't it? its just fading away. and i cannot stop it. but the memories still stay.
I messed this area @
03:11
03:11
i moved on? you think i moved on. truth is, i havent. and i wont. not that i harbour feelings, who doesnt? i change whatever strength i have left into determination to make my future better. do i look like i have a choice? even if i had a choice, smarts tells me to move, not because i do not love you. i love you too much and that is why i have to let you go. paradoxical. you have a bright future, unlike me. go and study and make good what fortune comes your way. only thing now is, i say what i know is right, but what i feel, is entirely different. im hurting inside, knife wounds deep within me. im just covering another pothole in the ground with sand. thats all i am doing.
i harden myself. i make myself stronger from within, that i disallow others from doing the same. i choose to believe in myself and my maker. i will stand in front of Him on day, whether to his favour or contempt, and face judgement for my actions in this world. i may not do things that is right, but i stand firm in what i have done and i do not deny.
my actions are always my facade to what i really feel. i put up false fronts, in terms of your relevance to me, and i show you what i am not. i am who i am, what i am, when i am. i make myself who i want to be in your presence. but when i am alone, my true self is dominant. no one knows who i am really. i change so often, sometimes even i am confused. alas, i figured it out. and i know who i am. i know what i am. and i know what i am capable of. that is all that matters to me.
life is what we choose to make it out to be. i make mine accordingly so. detrimental effect? maybe. sometimes, the thing i fear most is that i would need protection from myself. my mind can burn at lightning fast speeds, and yet not crash in on me, yet. i rationalize fast, and i analyse fast. maybe that is good, maybe that is bad. people often derive from that fact of thinking faster than the normal rate results in snap decisions. well.
i know what i have to do. i know what i need to do. and most importantly, with my 'luggage' that i carry, i am, in every sense, determined to push and make it come to life. i may turn into a monster than i would not recognise 10 years from now. let it be so then. i had my chances, i threw them away. yet i choose not to let go, but rather, i choose to harden myself and to spur myself on by such unconventional methods. its worked a couple of times before, and i dont see it failing on me.
i harden myself. i make myself stronger from within, that i disallow others from doing the same. i choose to believe in myself and my maker. i will stand in front of Him on day, whether to his favour or contempt, and face judgement for my actions in this world. i may not do things that is right, but i stand firm in what i have done and i do not deny.
my actions are always my facade to what i really feel. i put up false fronts, in terms of your relevance to me, and i show you what i am not. i am who i am, what i am, when i am. i make myself who i want to be in your presence. but when i am alone, my true self is dominant. no one knows who i am really. i change so often, sometimes even i am confused. alas, i figured it out. and i know who i am. i know what i am. and i know what i am capable of. that is all that matters to me.
life is what we choose to make it out to be. i make mine accordingly so. detrimental effect? maybe. sometimes, the thing i fear most is that i would need protection from myself. my mind can burn at lightning fast speeds, and yet not crash in on me, yet. i rationalize fast, and i analyse fast. maybe that is good, maybe that is bad. people often derive from that fact of thinking faster than the normal rate results in snap decisions. well.
i know what i have to do. i know what i need to do. and most importantly, with my 'luggage' that i carry, i am, in every sense, determined to push and make it come to life. i may turn into a monster than i would not recognise 10 years from now. let it be so then. i had my chances, i threw them away. yet i choose not to let go, but rather, i choose to harden myself and to spur myself on by such unconventional methods. its worked a couple of times before, and i dont see it failing on me.
I messed this area @
03:55
03:55
you have shattered my heart. shattered as it may be, i know i possess the strength of moving on. and i will move on for my studies and my future. i am my own pillar of strength, and i know i will prevail. i believe in myself, and God, to bring my future about.
I messed this area @
00:00
00:00
should i turn promiscuous? just because of all my hurt inside me? haha. i dont know. and basically, in terms of morally and ethically, i know that i wouldnt like it one bit at all. not one bit.
i crave for my future. look where that has gotten me. well, its gotten me into NUS. but hell. i wanted a perfect life. guess that there is nothing in this world that is perfect. it's all an illusion. perfection is what you make it out to be. perfection is how you perceive it to be. and perfection is how you accept what imperfections there are to be perfect.
for all causes, there are effects. if you try too hard to change a cause, its effect could well be disastrous.
i crave for my future. look where that has gotten me. well, its gotten me into NUS. but hell. i wanted a perfect life. guess that there is nothing in this world that is perfect. it's all an illusion. perfection is what you make it out to be. perfection is how you perceive it to be. and perfection is how you accept what imperfections there are to be perfect.
for all causes, there are effects. if you try too hard to change a cause, its effect could well be disastrous.
I messed this area @
15:35
15:35
im coldly analytical at best. damn fucking cold and analytical. well, what the hell can i do anyway. i wish you all the best in what you want to do in life. whatever it is, i have let go. though i cannot let go entirely, i know that deep down within, i still love you and care for you.
only difference is now, that i will do so from a distance. and leave it at that.
whatever life throws at me, i just throw back and move on. whatever thorns i have, i bury deep and deep within my flesh, where no one can view them.
only difference is now, that i will do so from a distance. and leave it at that.
whatever life throws at me, i just throw back and move on. whatever thorns i have, i bury deep and deep within my flesh, where no one can view them.
I messed this area @
04:44
04:44
im stoning up again. i need to move. think i'll go out and walk again today. we'll see how it goes.
well, im bored and reading helps. some. but hey, i'm already halfway through the book. and i do need more things to occupy my time.
well, im bored and reading helps. some. but hey, i'm already halfway through the book. and i do need more things to occupy my time.
I messed this area @
16:58
16:58
Hillsong - Take It All
Searching the world
The lost will be found
In freedom we live
As one we cry out
You carried the cross
You died and rose again
My God
I’ll only ever give my all
You sent Your Son
From heaven to earth
You delivered us all
It’s eternally heard
I searched for truth
And all I found was You
My God
I’ll only ever give my all
Jesus we’re livin' for Your Name
We’ll never be ashamed of You
Our praise and all we are today
Take take take it all
Take take take it all (repeat)
(bass & electric)
Running to the One
Who heals the blind
Following the shining light
In Your hands
The power to save the world
My life
Take, take, take it all.
Take, take, take it all.
Take, take, take it all.
Searching the world
The lost will be found
In freedom we live
As one we cry out
You carried the cross
You died and rose again
My God
I’ll only ever give my all
You sent Your Son
From heaven to earth
You delivered us all
It’s eternally heard
I searched for truth
And all I found was You
My God
I’ll only ever give my all
Jesus we’re livin' for Your Name
We’ll never be ashamed of You
Our praise and all we are today
Take take take it all
Take take take it all (repeat)
(bass & electric)
Running to the One
Who heals the blind
Following the shining light
In Your hands
The power to save the world
My life
Take, take, take it all.
Take, take, take it all.
Take, take, take it all.
I messed this area @
20:18
20:18
Hillsong - At the Cross
Oh Lord You’ve searched me,
You know my way;
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There’s no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?
You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me;
I know You love me.
And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
You tore the veil, You made a way
When You said that it is done.
Oh Lord You’ve searched me,
You know my way;
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There’s no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?
You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me;
I know You love me.
And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
You tore the veil, You made a way
When You said that it is done.
I messed this area @
21:12
21:12
i went on a long walk today. mighty long walk from Marine Parade to Esplanade before i called Jai to pick me up. jai is a close friend of mine whom which i share quite a lot of things in life about. i took a lot of photos along the way. and i'll say, the walk isn't all that long anymore since i know the shorter routes.
anyways, i took around 100 odd photos, maybe close to 200. i dont know. when i'm free, i'll edit them and post them online. most of them would be blurry since i didnt have a tripod handy for night shots. but hey, stop zooming in and they would look right fine.
anyway, its been another day where i occupied myself with menial things to do. i also met up with cindy and marcus for another talk. they told me a few things i know, and a lot more about which i dont know about. anyway, i wish that things would have worked out differently and that i would be able to control my tongue. i do hope that i am able to find out what i really want in life, apart from the obvious. its just a waiting game now, and all i can do is pray for a second chance. i am lost, but yes, i dont wanna give up at all. i treasure the times spent together, both good and bad, differences and similarities, every single moment. and i never forget them.
anyways, i took around 100 odd photos, maybe close to 200. i dont know. when i'm free, i'll edit them and post them online. most of them would be blurry since i didnt have a tripod handy for night shots. but hey, stop zooming in and they would look right fine.
anyway, its been another day where i occupied myself with menial things to do. i also met up with cindy and marcus for another talk. they told me a few things i know, and a lot more about which i dont know about. anyway, i wish that things would have worked out differently and that i would be able to control my tongue. i do hope that i am able to find out what i really want in life, apart from the obvious. its just a waiting game now, and all i can do is pray for a second chance. i am lost, but yes, i dont wanna give up at all. i treasure the times spent together, both good and bad, differences and similarities, every single moment. and i never forget them.
I messed this area @
03:40
03:40
after going to the gym, i feel so nauseous. worst of all, it seems like my blood circulation is going from bad to worse. i keep getting the giddy spells along with the feeling of being nauseated. damn.
may or may not go out today. dont feel like moving, yet i know that i should move. maybe i'll go take some pictures with my camera. taking pictures and driving always does clear my mind somehow.
and to those who are going into NS now, good luck to you people.
may or may not go out today. dont feel like moving, yet i know that i should move. maybe i'll go take some pictures with my camera. taking pictures and driving always does clear my mind somehow.
and to those who are going into NS now, good luck to you people.
I messed this area @
16:33
16:33
haiz... i still cant sleep. i guess its just that im feeling very down right about now. i smsed you, but there is no reply. i feel sad that you just dont sms back to even say anything. do you not care anymore?
i dont know. but whatever it is, i respect your decision. it was me who fucked up, not you. well, in any case, it is me who is asking for a second chance, not you. you make the call. i still love you, but all i can do now is just love you from a distance.
i dont know. but whatever it is, i respect your decision. it was me who fucked up, not you. well, in any case, it is me who is asking for a second chance, not you. you make the call. i still love you, but all i can do now is just love you from a distance.
I messed this area @
03:15
03:15
Lisa Loeb---Stay (I Missed You)
You say I only hear what I want to
And you say I talk so all the time-so
And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong cause I missed you
Yeah, I missed you
And you say I only hear what I want to
I don't listen hard
I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running or to
Anyone, anywhere
I don't understand if you really care
I'm only hearing negative, no no no - bad
So I turned the radio on I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song
The lover's in love and the other's run away
The lover is crying cause the other won't stay
And some of us hover when we weep for the other who
was dying
Since the day they were born well
Well this is not that
I think that I'm throwing but I'm thrown
And I thought I'd live forever but now I'm not so sure
You try to tell me that I'm clever but that won't take me anyhow
Or anywhere with you
And you said that I was naive
And I thought that I was strong
I thought "hey I can leave, I can leave"
But now I know that I was wrong cause I missed you
Yeah I missed you
You said "you caught me cause you want me
And one day I'll let you go"
You try to give away a keeper or keep me cause you're know
you're
just too scared to lose
And you say, "stay"
You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I only hear what I want to
And you say I talk so all the time-so
And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong cause I missed you
Yeah, I missed you
And you say I only hear what I want to
I don't listen hard
I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running or to
Anyone, anywhere
I don't understand if you really care
I'm only hearing negative, no no no - bad
So I turned the radio on I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song
The lover's in love and the other's run away
The lover is crying cause the other won't stay
And some of us hover when we weep for the other who
was dying
Since the day they were born well
Well this is not that
I think that I'm throwing but I'm thrown
And I thought I'd live forever but now I'm not so sure
You try to tell me that I'm clever but that won't take me anyhow
Or anywhere with you
And you said that I was naive
And I thought that I was strong
I thought "hey I can leave, I can leave"
But now I know that I was wrong cause I missed you
Yeah I missed you
You said "you caught me cause you want me
And one day I'll let you go"
You try to give away a keeper or keep me cause you're know
you're
just too scared to lose
And you say, "stay"
You say I only hear what I want to.
I messed this area @
01:50
01:50
500 Miles - The Proclaimers
When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home oh I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you
When I go out well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
And when I come home yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home oh I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you
When I go out well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
And when I come home yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
da da da
da da da
da da da dum da da dum da da dum da da
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
To fall down at your door
I messed this area @
19:23
19:23
went on a trip to malaysia with shaun. needed time off to think and reflect. instead of renting a mitubishi lancer GDI, i got a mitsubishi Galant VR-G instead. meant more for long distance running than the GDI. real powerful shit. 2.0 litre engine, acceleration was the kick.
nah beh, give me the car no fuel one. then i have to pump the fuel. cost me almost SGD$100. sian. but at least can go all the way to malacca and back. pushed the car's speed till 155km/h. i still feel that i can go faster, but hell, i got a passenger to worry about. haha, anyway, it was nothing like the old times. went to malacca and had lunch/dinner, shopped a little and found some goodies to take home like pineapple tarts. this place called Melaka Raya, meaning Melaka Town, was the place to go for shopping. and with no GPS device, we slowly picked our way through. luckily, we didn't get lost.
going home was even better, since we left at 10pm. night driving on the N-S Highway was a feeling that i can vaguely remember. haha. sped most of the way at a minimum of 130km/h and tailed a singapore registered plate all the way home since the Galant's headlights weren't all that powerful. managed to get back in Singapore at 12.30am, i think. wah, pay toll charge until can die sia. a lot of money goes to the tolls.
anyway, fetch shaun back already, still feel sian. didnt go home but drive around singapore. just didnt want to go home and do nothing. but in the end have to go home at 4am la.
wake up late for graduation day. haha. supposed to be there by 8am, i reach by 8.30am. haha... still managed to join the graduation procession la. not so bad. went to the reception later and hang out with friends and close friends. somehow, its almost like as if it will be a long time before i can see them again. and the 3 years in NP has passed so fast. returned the car at 1.30pm, then still very tired. so go home and sleep the shit off. haha. well, at least i enjoyed these past few days.
i'm thinking of going to malaysia again anyway. but the next time, i'm bringing a GPS device in with me. bloody hell, always damned afraid that i would get lost in the roads which i am not familiar with.
nah beh, give me the car no fuel one. then i have to pump the fuel. cost me almost SGD$100. sian. but at least can go all the way to malacca and back. pushed the car's speed till 155km/h. i still feel that i can go faster, but hell, i got a passenger to worry about. haha, anyway, it was nothing like the old times. went to malacca and had lunch/dinner, shopped a little and found some goodies to take home like pineapple tarts. this place called Melaka Raya, meaning Melaka Town, was the place to go for shopping. and with no GPS device, we slowly picked our way through. luckily, we didn't get lost.
going home was even better, since we left at 10pm. night driving on the N-S Highway was a feeling that i can vaguely remember. haha. sped most of the way at a minimum of 130km/h and tailed a singapore registered plate all the way home since the Galant's headlights weren't all that powerful. managed to get back in Singapore at 12.30am, i think. wah, pay toll charge until can die sia. a lot of money goes to the tolls.
anyway, fetch shaun back already, still feel sian. didnt go home but drive around singapore. just didnt want to go home and do nothing. but in the end have to go home at 4am la.
wake up late for graduation day. haha. supposed to be there by 8am, i reach by 8.30am. haha... still managed to join the graduation procession la. not so bad. went to the reception later and hang out with friends and close friends. somehow, its almost like as if it will be a long time before i can see them again. and the 3 years in NP has passed so fast. returned the car at 1.30pm, then still very tired. so go home and sleep the shit off. haha. well, at least i enjoyed these past few days.
i'm thinking of going to malaysia again anyway. but the next time, i'm bringing a GPS device in with me. bloody hell, always damned afraid that i would get lost in the roads which i am not familiar with.
I messed this area @
21:07
21:07
i rented a Mitsubishi Lancer GDI. the car which i dream of owning. but hell. i can't afford the price. anyway, i have to go to malaysia. i need to clear my thoughts, and think things over very carefully. i don't want to let more people down than i already have.
somehow, i feel that pain is part of my life already. i feel so sad, but i can't cry. i feel distraught, but words won't form properly to portray how i feel. i just don't know what to do. maybe some time alone will do me good. i don't want to give up, but you seem that you have already given up. and i cannot do anything about it. only thing is, i know that i truly love you. but hell, words are always just words. and my words always seem dead, even to me.
anyway, please wish your mum a happy belated 51st birthday on my behalf. i haven't forgotton the things that we shared. doubt that i ever will anyway.
somehow, i feel that pain is part of my life already. i feel so sad, but i can't cry. i feel distraught, but words won't form properly to portray how i feel. i just don't know what to do. maybe some time alone will do me good. i don't want to give up, but you seem that you have already given up. and i cannot do anything about it. only thing is, i know that i truly love you. but hell, words are always just words. and my words always seem dead, even to me.
anyway, please wish your mum a happy belated 51st birthday on my behalf. i haven't forgotton the things that we shared. doubt that i ever will anyway.
I messed this area @
03:58
03:58
only one more day till i leave for malaysia. im sick and tired of being in singapore. i need to run. run far and free. to keep running. well, run till my problems catch up with me. there is no way i can outrun them, but i do try.
I messed this area @
01:14
01:14
dear left foot
you don't seem to be in sync with my right foot. please get your shit together or fuck off.
regards
btw, im about to spend a bomb getting a GPSr. Garmin nuvi 660. gonna spend almost SGD$1000. haha... at least i wont get lost on the road that often anymore.
you don't seem to be in sync with my right foot. please get your shit together or fuck off.
regards
btw, im about to spend a bomb getting a GPSr. Garmin nuvi 660. gonna spend almost SGD$1000. haha... at least i wont get lost on the road that often anymore.
I messed this area @
20:21
20:21
im bored. really bored. and im at a loss. i guess i'll just lose myself within all the harsh realities in life. it sucks, but its better than having to see shit everyday.
nostalgic moments aside, i am feeling very fucked now. and i don't really care for much. haha...
Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker
Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world, few hearts survive
All I know is the way I feel
When it's real, I keep it alive
The road is long, there are mountains in our way
But we climb a step every day
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow
Some hang on to "used to be"
Live their lives, looking behind
All we have is here and now
All our life, out there to find
The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb them a step every day
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow
Time goes by
No time to cry
Life's you and I
Alive, today
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow
nostalgic moments aside, i am feeling very fucked now. and i don't really care for much. haha...
Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker
Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world, few hearts survive
All I know is the way I feel
When it's real, I keep it alive
The road is long, there are mountains in our way
But we climb a step every day
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow
Some hang on to "used to be"
Live their lives, looking behind
All we have is here and now
All our life, out there to find
The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb them a step every day
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow
Time goes by
No time to cry
Life's you and I
Alive, today
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry on a mountain high
Love lift us up where we belong
Far from the world we know, up where the clear winds blow
I messed this area @
02:05
02:05
damn. i still cannot get off to sleep at an early time. shit. weather is warm as heck and there is not a single drop of rain. well, at least there was SOME drizzle when i went for a run just now.
almost got a case of appendicitis since i didn't bother to wait that long after finishing my meal. what the heck... lol...
almost got a case of appendicitis since i didn't bother to wait that long after finishing my meal. what the heck... lol...
I messed this area @
04:25
04:25
I Don't Wanna Wait - Paula Cole
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I.
you know that if we are to stay alive.
Then see the peace in every eye.
She had two babies
One was six months, one was three
In the war of '44.
Every telephone ring, every heartbeat stinging
When she thought it was God calling her.
Oh would her son grow to know his father?
I don't want to to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be.
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be sorry?
He showed up all wet on the rainy front step.
Wearing shrapnel in his skin.
And the war he saw lives inside him still,
It's so hard to be gentle and warm.
The years pass by and now he has granddaughters
I don't want to to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be.
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be sorry?
You look at me from across the room
You're wearing your anguish again
Believe me I know the feeling
It sucks you into the jaws of anger.
So breathe a little more deeply my love
All we have is this very moment
And I don't want to do what his father,
and his father, and his father did,
I want to be here now.
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive,
Then see the love in every eye.
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I.
you know that if we are to stay alive.
Then see the peace in every eye.
She had two babies
One was six months, one was three
In the war of '44.
Every telephone ring, every heartbeat stinging
When she thought it was God calling her.
Oh would her son grow to know his father?
I don't want to to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be.
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be sorry?
He showed up all wet on the rainy front step.
Wearing shrapnel in his skin.
And the war he saw lives inside him still,
It's so hard to be gentle and warm.
The years pass by and now he has granddaughters
I don't want to to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be.
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be sorry?
You look at me from across the room
You're wearing your anguish again
Believe me I know the feeling
It sucks you into the jaws of anger.
So breathe a little more deeply my love
All we have is this very moment
And I don't want to do what his father,
and his father, and his father did,
I want to be here now.
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive,
Then see the love in every eye.
I messed this area @
19:41
19:41
woah... after SouthPark, now im on to Family Guy... Woohoo!!!
I messed this area @
02:16
02:16
since im so free now, i decided to go back to the gym and make meself fitter. haha... well, im going into NS soon, so make the best use of the time available.
and i just bought a new pair of sony earphones to please meself. haha... since my old ones don't fit all that well anyway. cost me SGD$56. but hey, im happy with it.
and i just bought a new pair of sony earphones to please meself. haha... since my old ones don't fit all that well anyway. cost me SGD$56. but hey, im happy with it.
I messed this area @
21:21
21:21
Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
CHORUS:
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
CHORUS
CHORUS
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
CHORUS
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
CHORUS:
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
CHORUS
CHORUS
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
CHORUS
I messed this area @
03:51
03:51
gee, i really dont know what to do already. i am not concentrating at all. i guess i really lost all my bearings. we'll see what the next day will bring. maybe it'll bring hope. maybe not. theres blood when i vomit now. haha. not that i really care anyway.
all i know is this. i erred badly. but its my fault. thats all. nothing matters to me anymore.
all i know is this. i erred badly. but its my fault. thats all. nothing matters to me anymore.
I messed this area @
02:05
02:05
oh great... im getting that fucked up feeling right about now. seeing the sun rise and all. crap. oh well. life is fucked up anyway. good day to all.
I messed this area @
06:55
06:55
i remember a story. a true story told to me by a good person.
the heart consists of a garden created by God, tended by God, cared by God and put in us in very good condition. there are 4 pathways to the heart. but humans are such creatures that they do not care for the garden all that well. in the 4 pathways, they seek to find various means to block the path so that God will have less control of how the garden grows. the four elements come into play. stone, earth, wood and fire.
- fire creates a storm within the heart and draws God away.
- wood creates a blockade so that nothing can pass in.
- earth(thorns) creates pain and thusly puts the person in pain.
- stone creates a blockade so that nothing can flow either in or out.
now there is something. out of this four, one relates to me. Stone. yes, i rolled a stone within my heart to stop anything from going in and out. i was betrayed once, twice and thrice. i had given up hope on everyone, everything, including God. what was told was that if i did not roll this stone away, no new fruit would blossom within the garden. and i would continuosly feed on the "food" within the heart till it is finished. the food, of course, would be God's love, his fruit within all humans. and when all the food is used up, there comes death. not physically, but spiritually.
this friend had cautioned me to roll the stone away as soon as possible as there would be serious consequences. but i had not. and now, im dead spiritually. well, shit happens. i know my mistake now. the lightning has strucked, and i was caught in it. the boulder has not moved an inch, but i finally understand. i understand what and why and how it happened. and make note. the boulder will never move. not anymore. i have given up altogether. what was my last hope, i had thrown away. i refuse to be helped anymore.
i am not dead physically, but spiritually. the heart has withered and died. it is cold now. i had not acted fast enough in reference to God's word, and it is me who suffers. i am stupid for not listening to caution. it is my fault and i accept it with grace. i cannot change the past, and i doubt that others will allow me to change what has happened. what is done is done. even if i had the chance to change the past, i think i will leave it as it is. not that i dont care, but more of the fact that i do not want to bog another person down with me.
To this friend, thank you. thank you for telling me and cautioning me. my apologies for not listening to you. but i will be fine. i will learn. and i would not give up. the heart is dead and charred, but the resolve still isn't gone. i stand alone already. and i will not back down.
the heart consists of a garden created by God, tended by God, cared by God and put in us in very good condition. there are 4 pathways to the heart. but humans are such creatures that they do not care for the garden all that well. in the 4 pathways, they seek to find various means to block the path so that God will have less control of how the garden grows. the four elements come into play. stone, earth, wood and fire.
- fire creates a storm within the heart and draws God away.
- wood creates a blockade so that nothing can pass in.
- earth(thorns) creates pain and thusly puts the person in pain.
- stone creates a blockade so that nothing can flow either in or out.
now there is something. out of this four, one relates to me. Stone. yes, i rolled a stone within my heart to stop anything from going in and out. i was betrayed once, twice and thrice. i had given up hope on everyone, everything, including God. what was told was that if i did not roll this stone away, no new fruit would blossom within the garden. and i would continuosly feed on the "food" within the heart till it is finished. the food, of course, would be God's love, his fruit within all humans. and when all the food is used up, there comes death. not physically, but spiritually.
this friend had cautioned me to roll the stone away as soon as possible as there would be serious consequences. but i had not. and now, im dead spiritually. well, shit happens. i know my mistake now. the lightning has strucked, and i was caught in it. the boulder has not moved an inch, but i finally understand. i understand what and why and how it happened. and make note. the boulder will never move. not anymore. i have given up altogether. what was my last hope, i had thrown away. i refuse to be helped anymore.
i am not dead physically, but spiritually. the heart has withered and died. it is cold now. i had not acted fast enough in reference to God's word, and it is me who suffers. i am stupid for not listening to caution. it is my fault and i accept it with grace. i cannot change the past, and i doubt that others will allow me to change what has happened. what is done is done. even if i had the chance to change the past, i think i will leave it as it is. not that i dont care, but more of the fact that i do not want to bog another person down with me.
To this friend, thank you. thank you for telling me and cautioning me. my apologies for not listening to you. but i will be fine. i will learn. and i would not give up. the heart is dead and charred, but the resolve still isn't gone. i stand alone already. and i will not back down.
I messed this area @
01:15
01:15
im bored... bored bored bored bored bored.
finished packing. guess it will be good to disappear for a while. maybe a long while. maybe... heck.
cheers~ and god bless.
finished packing. guess it will be good to disappear for a while. maybe a long while. maybe... heck.
cheers~ and god bless.
I messed this area @
18:37
18:37
小星星 亮晶晶 闪在你的眼睛里
从此走进我的心 呼风又唤雨
我愿意 好愿意 双手奉上我自己
翻山越岭找到你 再也不离去
爱是我 爱是你 爱是肯定句
谁也不能阻挡我 永远守护你
日出日落 黑夜白昼 时时刻刻拥在怀中
清清楚楚这感动 分秒刻印成永久
我望著你 你看著我 有句话我想对你说
今生今世跟著我 做你幸福的理由 嫁给我
remember this? well, it seems that you would have forgotten or plain couldn't be bothered. it hurts me so, but i can't do squat anymore. i know that i have failed you in my promise though. and i am sorry.
从此走进我的心 呼风又唤雨
我愿意 好愿意 双手奉上我自己
翻山越岭找到你 再也不离去
爱是我 爱是你 爱是肯定句
谁也不能阻挡我 永远守护你
日出日落 黑夜白昼 时时刻刻拥在怀中
清清楚楚这感动 分秒刻印成永久
我望著你 你看著我 有句话我想对你说
今生今世跟著我 做你幸福的理由 嫁给我
remember this? well, it seems that you would have forgotten or plain couldn't be bothered. it hurts me so, but i can't do squat anymore. i know that i have failed you in my promise though. and i am sorry.
I messed this area @
02:35
02:35