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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
its hard to tell what i really feel inside. its a mix of emotions. maybe i want to, maybe its cos i dont dare to. im afraid of history repeating itself. o well, at least i live to fight another day. i will tackle this problem slowly. thats if IF i ever get past this stage.
but i do know that i do adore, but is it right in the first place? and i dont know my next step. i dont know how to read the 'map'.
but i do know that i do adore, but is it right in the first place? and i dont know my next step. i dont know how to read the 'map'.
I messed this area @
01:02
01:02
i recently got into this health regime shit. doing push ups at hm. nuts. i complete 50 i already wanna die. i oughta stop this smoking shit by now.
im half busted. tmr i have to be in sch at 8am. and i cant sleep. good game already.
im half busted. tmr i have to be in sch at 8am. and i cant sleep. good game already.
I messed this area @
03:21
03:21
just woke up at 5.40am. shit. now i cant get back to slp. God help me!
I messed this area @
05:55
05:55
life aint great. its only great for fridays, saturdays and sundays. you can keep mondays to thursdays.
sch starting. chee-bye-o. still aint got my sch books. haiz. who cares anyways. haha.
i think im falling sick. smoke too much liao. i needa find something thats less, uhh, hard to smoke. maybe somproena. just for fun and for the sweet kick.
sch starting. chee-bye-o. still aint got my sch books. haiz. who cares anyways. haha.
i think im falling sick. smoke too much liao. i needa find something thats less, uhh, hard to smoke. maybe somproena. just for fun and for the sweet kick.
I messed this area @
00:58
00:58
im bored. nothing to do but to eat, sleep, and uhh, do nothing...
if only pigs had wings, i would be having something to do. think its time to see the financial reserve to check out whether i got cash to acquire a new toy for myself.
Canon EOS 350D
Cost = SGD$1490
Lens = SGD$400
shit, still need more accessories. no money liao. T.T
if only pigs had wings, i would be having something to do. think its time to see the financial reserve to check out whether i got cash to acquire a new toy for myself.
Canon EOS 350D
Cost = SGD$1490
Lens = SGD$400
shit, still need more accessories. no money liao. T.T
I messed this area @
01:45
01:45
haiz... got slammed at work, got slammed at dota. dunno what else will get slammed with. im tired.
i draw good heros, my playing skills like fuck. cos never train before. then somemore some smart asses, think so smart, keep kpkb-ing me for fuck. i dunno how to use character can? you got a problem with that? tell you sandking up there, ask for help, no one bother. then later blame me that SK become so fucking strong. fuck you la. you wanna play? its called teamwork that makes the game work for you. the other team almost won cos got teamwork. you only know how to kpkb, think you so fucking great. fuck you la. then later say i feed others. hey, my fault ah? SK whack me, arachnid slow me, run away still die. they gang me cos got bear, you idiots! and why not? everyone got lvl if gang the weakest one wat. cheebye la. use your motherfucking head can? thats what a brain is for, and a mouth to know how to advise a noob to use a new character. not to fucking kpkb and think that he doesnt know shit. COS FRANKLY, I DONT KNOW SHIT!
forget it. the game isnt fun when everyone gangs you, or when your TEAMMATES think you are lousy and only know how to tok cock and fucking sing song. but in reality, you simply do not know how to use the characters well. cheebye.
jo wants to end it all. i cant say nothing. i cant do nothing either. i gave freedom. funny how i think its so imbalanced. hmm, lets see, 'Yea you love me and you wanna spend your future with me, all BULLSHIT!' thats what she typed. o well, cant be helped. if she thinks im cheating on her, i cant help it too. i got my own conscience to answer to. i wasnt. lets recall. akira told her some shit or other that i went to the skate rink to meet up with my ex to have supper. weird. and he likened it to 2 people having supper together. but why was there like an extra 3 people around? her friends la! we were bullshitting abt maple. i wasnt there with any ill itention. ok, now she thinks im lying too? haha. you have your own mind, your own heart to follow. you think im a badass total ccb asshole person? well, yes i am! i smoke, drink, and swear! but, i will never ever cheat on someone when im in a relationship. call it ethics, call it morals. i call it my way of living. i call it being sincere and faithful. i call it, a commitment. and finally, you made the first call to tell me that you want a break in the relationship. reason : COS I DIDNT MEET YOU FOR QUITE A WHILE AND THAT YOU ARE BEGINNING TO FALTER?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
forget it honey, if your version of love is meeting everyday, im not up to it. cos, like i said, i need my personal space. and besides, my work and school takes a whole lot of time and energy from me. and for a footnote. THAT REASON IS THE TRUE BULLSHIT. ITS THE WORST, LAMEST, DUMBASS reason i ever heard. even a fool can do better than that. cos i didnt meet you for quite a while and you are beginning to falter. what a joke. oh yeah! the a while part? its like 1-2 weeks. =D
'WOW! THATS SO LONG! IT FEELS LIKE 20 GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS! I CANT WAIT FOR ANOTHER 'YEAR'(second), I GOTTA BREAK UP NOW!'
Wash Away My Pain And Sorrows
i draw good heros, my playing skills like fuck. cos never train before. then somemore some smart asses, think so smart, keep kpkb-ing me for fuck. i dunno how to use character can? you got a problem with that? tell you sandking up there, ask for help, no one bother. then later blame me that SK become so fucking strong. fuck you la. you wanna play? its called teamwork that makes the game work for you. the other team almost won cos got teamwork. you only know how to kpkb, think you so fucking great. fuck you la. then later say i feed others. hey, my fault ah? SK whack me, arachnid slow me, run away still die. they gang me cos got bear, you idiots! and why not? everyone got lvl if gang the weakest one wat. cheebye la. use your motherfucking head can? thats what a brain is for, and a mouth to know how to advise a noob to use a new character. not to fucking kpkb and think that he doesnt know shit. COS FRANKLY, I DONT KNOW SHIT!
forget it. the game isnt fun when everyone gangs you, or when your TEAMMATES think you are lousy and only know how to tok cock and fucking sing song. but in reality, you simply do not know how to use the characters well. cheebye.
jo wants to end it all. i cant say nothing. i cant do nothing either. i gave freedom. funny how i think its so imbalanced. hmm, lets see, 'Yea you love me and you wanna spend your future with me, all BULLSHIT!' thats what she typed. o well, cant be helped. if she thinks im cheating on her, i cant help it too. i got my own conscience to answer to. i wasnt. lets recall. akira told her some shit or other that i went to the skate rink to meet up with my ex to have supper. weird. and he likened it to 2 people having supper together. but why was there like an extra 3 people around? her friends la! we were bullshitting abt maple. i wasnt there with any ill itention. ok, now she thinks im lying too? haha. you have your own mind, your own heart to follow. you think im a badass total ccb asshole person? well, yes i am! i smoke, drink, and swear! but, i will never ever cheat on someone when im in a relationship. call it ethics, call it morals. i call it my way of living. i call it being sincere and faithful. i call it, a commitment. and finally, you made the first call to tell me that you want a break in the relationship. reason : COS I DIDNT MEET YOU FOR QUITE A WHILE AND THAT YOU ARE BEGINNING TO FALTER?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
forget it honey, if your version of love is meeting everyday, im not up to it. cos, like i said, i need my personal space. and besides, my work and school takes a whole lot of time and energy from me. and for a footnote. THAT REASON IS THE TRUE BULLSHIT. ITS THE WORST, LAMEST, DUMBASS reason i ever heard. even a fool can do better than that. cos i didnt meet you for quite a while and you are beginning to falter. what a joke. oh yeah! the a while part? its like 1-2 weeks. =D
'WOW! THATS SO LONG! IT FEELS LIKE 20 GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS! I CANT WAIT FOR ANOTHER 'YEAR'(second), I GOTTA BREAK UP NOW!'
I messed this area @
03:21
03:21
do you really think i was cheating on you? what do i have to gain? go think abt your actions. its really out of this world. akira say this, you have to believe ah? akira say shit nice to eat, you have to eat issit?
you want to let others do the thinking for you, go ahead. im not stopping you. you want to end the relationship on a sour note, go ahead. im not stopping you either. its up to you to do what you want. you want to spite me? go right ahead. frankly speaking, i dont give a slightest damn.
COS YOU ARE CHILDISH, IMMATURE, STUPID TO BELIEVE OTHERS WORDS RIGHT OFF THE BAT, NOT WILLING TO LISTEN TO EXPLAINATIONS, STUBBORN, AND MOST OF ALL, TRYING TO MAKE ME ANGRY AT YOU TO MAKE ME LEAVE YOU.
you are all those and more. i told you to give me time, you choose not to. well, its your decision. i have my life to lead. bye bye.
you want to let others do the thinking for you, go ahead. im not stopping you. you want to end the relationship on a sour note, go ahead. im not stopping you either. its up to you to do what you want. you want to spite me? go right ahead. frankly speaking, i dont give a slightest damn.
COS YOU ARE CHILDISH, IMMATURE, STUPID TO BELIEVE OTHERS WORDS RIGHT OFF THE BAT, NOT WILLING TO LISTEN TO EXPLAINATIONS, STUBBORN, AND MOST OF ALL, TRYING TO MAKE ME ANGRY AT YOU TO MAKE ME LEAVE YOU.
you are all those and more. i told you to give me time, you choose not to. well, its your decision. i have my life to lead. bye bye.
I messed this area @
12:00
12:00
i just dont wanna know anymore. im confewwed. very. extremely. i choose to live in ignorance already. im tired and i want a break from life.
i need a ticket outta here. anyone selling theirs?
i need a ticket outta here. anyone selling theirs?
I messed this area @
03:11
03:11
went out to drink with friends when i received a call at 8pm. drank till 2am odd. received a call and well, guess what? my problem is back to bite me again. shit. my taggie is being abused, misused, and mangled for no reason whatsoever. thus it leads to the password locking script that i put in. im totally pissed.
well, chris cant drink, though as much as he says he can. so much for that. mark and i drank like the most and we were still sober enough to walk to maxwell to eat supper. chris said it will take 10 mins. damn. it took like a freaking 20 mins to 30. never trust a drunk guy on timing. ManU 2 - Arse 0. shit. lucky for me i dont really bet on soccer. cos i have no love for it.
i ate like chicken chop first at Party World KTV, then fishball noodle and glutinous rice at maxwell. damn frigging full now. feel like puking, but oh all the food to waste? nah... im ok...
well, chris cant drink, though as much as he says he can. so much for that. mark and i drank like the most and we were still sober enough to walk to maxwell to eat supper. chris said it will take 10 mins. damn. it took like a freaking 20 mins to 30. never trust a drunk guy on timing. ManU 2 - Arse 0. shit. lucky for me i dont really bet on soccer. cos i have no love for it.
i ate like chicken chop first at Party World KTV, then fishball noodle and glutinous rice at maxwell. damn frigging full now. feel like puking, but oh all the food to waste? nah... im ok...
I messed this area @
03:51
03:51
my mom is away for a 3 week trip to some countries. i think czechoslovakia republic, buddha-pest (pardon the pun), and turkey (why no country called chicken?) yeeha! i got the house entirely to myself for 3 weeks! im gonna be drinking booze like there is no tomorrow. except if im working the next day though.
i hate it when such fights happens. is the cause of it, me? why? how? sheesh. you know the saying, sigh once, and you kill an angel? i think i have a whole graveyard full of them right now. maybe 10 million. give or take a million. im sick and tired of territorial fights. im sick and tired of the stife in the world and now i have to deal with this type of petty shit? why cant i have my freedom? to do what i want? im not ready for a relationship yet!!!
LIKE GODDAMN LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU WILL! WHEN I'M READY, I WILL TELL EACH AND EVERYONE. RIGHT NOW, FUCK OFF, COS YOU ARE PISSING ME RIGHT OFF!
life is shitty. even worse in my case. im dead serious. dont ruin your chances. im running on the brink of the edge, with my patience limit at the level of 1. i got no patience to spare. i snap at people, i shout, and i jolly well scream when it hits me. right now is not the best time to make me angry. dont tell me to cool down. dont tell me anything. cos im not willing to listen. now is the time for everyone who wants to get a message across to me has to do it in a SHORT SHARP AND SWEET MANNER.
i hate it when such fights happens. is the cause of it, me? why? how? sheesh. you know the saying, sigh once, and you kill an angel? i think i have a whole graveyard full of them right now. maybe 10 million. give or take a million. im sick and tired of territorial fights. im sick and tired of the stife in the world and now i have to deal with this type of petty shit? why cant i have my freedom? to do what i want? im not ready for a relationship yet!!!
LIKE GODDAMN LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'LL MAKE SURE YOU WILL! WHEN I'M READY, I WILL TELL EACH AND EVERYONE. RIGHT NOW, FUCK OFF, COS YOU ARE PISSING ME RIGHT OFF!
life is shitty. even worse in my case. im dead serious. dont ruin your chances. im running on the brink of the edge, with my patience limit at the level of 1. i got no patience to spare. i snap at people, i shout, and i jolly well scream when it hits me. right now is not the best time to make me angry. dont tell me to cool down. dont tell me anything. cos im not willing to listen. now is the time for everyone who wants to get a message across to me has to do it in a SHORT SHARP AND SWEET MANNER.
I messed this area @
03:58
03:58
i need more cigg. they ran out on me. i need escape. i need to help myself to delude myself. im sick, but im still a damn smokepot. i hate the smell, but the kick it gives me is more or less to drugs.
haiz... war on my taggie. like why dont you guys just each take a short time to think abt what you said before posting it? i mean, certain words are well, plain demeaning. and sometimes the messages are also very hurtful to the other party. like put it on hold. stop and think. if you can.
im happy, im free. i see couples and smile at them. in a sadistic way. thinking of all the shit they got to go thru. thinking of all the bloody sad and gruesome quarrels that they have to endure. haha. im a sadist. big deallll. i enjoy it.
let me be alone. let me have my friends. let me live singly first. i think im pretty old. i think that my childhood was wasted thinking abt this shit. i want to live life to the fullest, to fufill my mission in life. thats it. when im ready and mature enough to take the responsibility, then i will consider another relationship. otherwise, its off limits for me. cos im not mature enough just as yet. i think too shallowly. i need to do a lot of shit to my life to get it back in order. i need to continue my life story to make it a happy ending.
im trying and working my hardest at it. give me that chance.
haiz... war on my taggie. like why dont you guys just each take a short time to think abt what you said before posting it? i mean, certain words are well, plain demeaning. and sometimes the messages are also very hurtful to the other party. like put it on hold. stop and think. if you can.
im happy, im free. i see couples and smile at them. in a sadistic way. thinking of all the shit they got to go thru. thinking of all the bloody sad and gruesome quarrels that they have to endure. haha. im a sadist. big deallll. i enjoy it.
let me be alone. let me have my friends. let me live singly first. i think im pretty old. i think that my childhood was wasted thinking abt this shit. i want to live life to the fullest, to fufill my mission in life. thats it. when im ready and mature enough to take the responsibility, then i will consider another relationship. otherwise, its off limits for me. cos im not mature enough just as yet. i think too shallowly. i need to do a lot of shit to my life to get it back in order. i need to continue my life story to make it a happy ending.
im trying and working my hardest at it. give me that chance.
I messed this area @
01:15
01:15
excerpt from 'The Hunt for Red October':
Ryan was watching something he had never seen before, men from two different places and two very different cultures trying to find common ground. both sides were reaching out, seeking similarities of character and experience, building a foundation for understanding. this was more than interesting. it was touching. ryan wondered how difficult it was for the soviets. probably harder than anything he had ever done - their bridges were burned. they had cast themselves away from everything they had known, trusting that what they found would be better. ryan hoped they would succeed and make their transition from communism to freedom. in the past two days he had come to realize what courage it took for men to defect. facing a gun in a missile room was a small matter compared with walking away from one's whole life. it was strange how easily americans put on their freedoms. how difficult would it be for these men who had risked their lives to adapt to something that men like ryan so rarely appreciated? it was people like these who had built the american dream, and people like these who were needed to maintain it. it was odd that such men should come from the soviet union. or perhaps not so odd, ryan thought, listening to the conversation going back and forth in front of him.
'
did i make a decision to walk away from what i known, to move away, albeit not as courageous as such men are, but casting myself away from the familiar? and trusting what i will find is much better? i havent walked away from my entire life, yet. im still testing the surface, not yet able to see what is under the water. the situation is somewhat like freedom in its sense. its more that i need the freedom but i have two options to lead to. which one to take? did the men think it was easy to make such a decision to walk away, deserting their entire life altogether? it seems hard, yet easy.
Ryan was watching something he had never seen before, men from two different places and two very different cultures trying to find common ground. both sides were reaching out, seeking similarities of character and experience, building a foundation for understanding. this was more than interesting. it was touching. ryan wondered how difficult it was for the soviets. probably harder than anything he had ever done - their bridges were burned. they had cast themselves away from everything they had known, trusting that what they found would be better. ryan hoped they would succeed and make their transition from communism to freedom. in the past two days he had come to realize what courage it took for men to defect. facing a gun in a missile room was a small matter compared with walking away from one's whole life. it was strange how easily americans put on their freedoms. how difficult would it be for these men who had risked their lives to adapt to something that men like ryan so rarely appreciated? it was people like these who had built the american dream, and people like these who were needed to maintain it. it was odd that such men should come from the soviet union. or perhaps not so odd, ryan thought, listening to the conversation going back and forth in front of him.
'
did i make a decision to walk away from what i known, to move away, albeit not as courageous as such men are, but casting myself away from the familiar? and trusting what i will find is much better? i havent walked away from my entire life, yet. im still testing the surface, not yet able to see what is under the water. the situation is somewhat like freedom in its sense. its more that i need the freedom but i have two options to lead to. which one to take? did the men think it was easy to make such a decision to walk away, deserting their entire life altogether? it seems hard, yet easy.
I messed this area @
16:03
16:03
im feeling good... must be the tiramisu i had... but yeah, im in like a better shape right now... actually way much better.
beats me why, but at least i realise that friends are way way way much better than having a relationship. its not as if its anything, but i got nothing to give. =)
beats me why, but at least i realise that friends are way way way much better than having a relationship. its not as if its anything, but i got nothing to give. =)
I messed this area @
03:23
03:23
i guess i'm still weak at heart. i just need to feel numb to cancel out all the pain. im tired. i need rest. i need time alone. i want to find solace. to find peace. and to forget every little damn thing that has happened in the past week. dying isnt gonna help, but right now, i got a damn big ass headache that is killing me, literally. i need panadols. no, im gonna gonna overdose to make myself numb already. i done research before popping those in. 10 is not lethal, it just will make you numb. now 50, is lethal. that was my aim yesterday. to feel numb. today is to ease the pain. im taking 2. i just need sleep. time will heal all wounds, but will it heal the wounds you inflicted on me? i hope so. im goddamn praying that it will. cos to me, you are still a friend who means something in my heart. the buck stops there and ends.
if i die now, im not a human anymore. i want to live my life, to make sure i see my mom through old age. after that, then i guess its time for me to go. we'll see how then. my sis will be able to take care of herself. i guess im only more or less living to see my mom thru. i dont like the future. it holds no meaning for me. i guess that marraige is out of the question. i dont like to be tied down and made to do everything cos its a man's job. and besides, why hurt others too?
you think its me that makes you drop out of school? its you. wake up to reality. i have no control over your future. its you that has control. you chose to let it affect you. i didnt fuck your life upside down. you fucked it upside down. im fucking my life. cos its mine. i choose to do what i want with it.
everytime we talk to each other, somehow somewhere something fucks up. it makes us feel bad at each other. its not anything. its just that you choose not to listen, and same goes for me. i choose not to listen too. be receptive... im trying to be receptive here. thats why i already said, i know i overstepped the mark. i freely admit to my mistakes if i have done wrong. i fear nothing to admit to my mistakes, even if it will cost me my job. i dont want to lie to others, i dont want others to lie to me either.
im not a complex person. im just a fool that you require some thinking to understand. thats all. im not some crazy demented asshole out to ruin the world before im happy. im happy with what i have. and im glad. i appreciate them. i dont want things to happen to others cos of me. but i see it this way, if im making the problems, then i will take myself out of the picture and problem should be solved. it doesnt mean my death, it just means that i withdraw myself from everything. me taking the blame is cos, well, the blame is solely mine. i caused such a thing to happen. i feel bad abt it, and i want to make things right again. but making things right isnt so easy after all.
its not going back to the old ways. its making a new path from the rocks ahead of me. if i go back to the old ways, it just means that i am lying to myself again. i need to run ahead to see the dangers ahead. i have to. its a race against time. i need to know the future to plan for it. otherwise, i will just sink in and be sallowed up. someone once said, intelligence and operative techniques are the what leads to successive stories. luck plays a part too, but a minor one. without intelligence, i cannot make my operative moves. and i have to depend on luck, too much. i need intelligence to make the proper moves. and suicide is out of the picture. its not in the decks cos i threw it out of the window last night thinking the problem over.
if i die now, im not a human anymore. i want to live my life, to make sure i see my mom through old age. after that, then i guess its time for me to go. we'll see how then. my sis will be able to take care of herself. i guess im only more or less living to see my mom thru. i dont like the future. it holds no meaning for me. i guess that marraige is out of the question. i dont like to be tied down and made to do everything cos its a man's job. and besides, why hurt others too?
you think its me that makes you drop out of school? its you. wake up to reality. i have no control over your future. its you that has control. you chose to let it affect you. i didnt fuck your life upside down. you fucked it upside down. im fucking my life. cos its mine. i choose to do what i want with it.
everytime we talk to each other, somehow somewhere something fucks up. it makes us feel bad at each other. its not anything. its just that you choose not to listen, and same goes for me. i choose not to listen too. be receptive... im trying to be receptive here. thats why i already said, i know i overstepped the mark. i freely admit to my mistakes if i have done wrong. i fear nothing to admit to my mistakes, even if it will cost me my job. i dont want to lie to others, i dont want others to lie to me either.
im not a complex person. im just a fool that you require some thinking to understand. thats all. im not some crazy demented asshole out to ruin the world before im happy. im happy with what i have. and im glad. i appreciate them. i dont want things to happen to others cos of me. but i see it this way, if im making the problems, then i will take myself out of the picture and problem should be solved. it doesnt mean my death, it just means that i withdraw myself from everything. me taking the blame is cos, well, the blame is solely mine. i caused such a thing to happen. i feel bad abt it, and i want to make things right again. but making things right isnt so easy after all.
its not going back to the old ways. its making a new path from the rocks ahead of me. if i go back to the old ways, it just means that i am lying to myself again. i need to run ahead to see the dangers ahead. i have to. its a race against time. i need to know the future to plan for it. otherwise, i will just sink in and be sallowed up. someone once said, intelligence and operative techniques are the what leads to successive stories. luck plays a part too, but a minor one. without intelligence, i cannot make my operative moves. and i have to depend on luck, too much. i need intelligence to make the proper moves. and suicide is out of the picture. its not in the decks cos i threw it out of the window last night thinking the problem over.
I messed this area @
00:55
00:55
i dreamt that i was chased by a hideous monster, which no matter where i ran, it chased. wat a nightmare. i remember clutching someone, but that face was fuzzy. damn, sounds like dawn of the dead movie.
maybe those panadols didnt help. i still woke up today. but i did get a 10 hour slp in. maybe today, i'll just take more, since i feel no better. i figured 10 odd last night. lets double that. XD
im out to ruin my life, to throw my life away. help me with this last request.
maybe those panadols didnt help. i still woke up today. but i did get a 10 hour slp in. maybe today, i'll just take more, since i feel no better. i figured 10 odd last night. lets double that. XD
im out to ruin my life, to throw my life away. help me with this last request.
I messed this area @
15:44
15:44
i've been crying these few days. close to it actually. the tears well but would not fall. so many complications, so many problems. i created it all for myself. damnit. i wish i can end my life. i want to so badly. i have given up everything, literally. i have no life, no emotions, nor feelings within me already. i crave the sense of pain, the feeling of concentrated agony. to escape this life, to escape all.
what im doing is hurting a lot of people. im sorry to those i've hurt. in the event that i may not wake up the following day, who knows right? this i have to say. i love too many, but ethics concur that i can only have one. i could have made a decision at making my life right again. and in retrospect, i could have made it a more screwed up place to live in. which is which? im lost totally. im soft hearted. im just a teddy bear behind a stern face. why why why...
why must all these happen to me? i just dont know. mom, if you read this one day, you'll know what your son is like. he never was a good boy, to accomplish something to make you proud. he was a useless person in the sea of faces that you see and forget the next second. i really have to reason to live already. its not anything. but its just that the emotional hurt is too great. such pain was known to shatter the highest mountains. im keeping it within me, letting it shatter me from inside out. im brittle now. extremely fragile. however long it will be inside, i will let it be. the body will shatter soon. how long, i dont bet on the odds. punters, take your best bet and see who gets the top prize.
maybe when im gone, the world will be a better place to live in. we'll see how. i spoke the truth today. to both. my consience is clear. if i die, i die knowing that i have spoken the truth finally. that i kept nothing within me already. i emptied out my soul to make things right, or at the very least, to push it in the direction where it should be. or where my heart tells me it should be.
take out my pain and flush it down, i dont wanna hear the screams in my head already. it is too hurtful. it is too distracting. it is too heartwrenching. let something more physical hurt, miam and murder me.
PLEASE. THROW. ME. IN. THE. SEA. OF. ENDLESS. SORROWS. i belong there. not on earth. not where my actions are destructive to others.
what im doing is hurting a lot of people. im sorry to those i've hurt. in the event that i may not wake up the following day, who knows right? this i have to say. i love too many, but ethics concur that i can only have one. i could have made a decision at making my life right again. and in retrospect, i could have made it a more screwed up place to live in. which is which? im lost totally. im soft hearted. im just a teddy bear behind a stern face. why why why...
why must all these happen to me? i just dont know. mom, if you read this one day, you'll know what your son is like. he never was a good boy, to accomplish something to make you proud. he was a useless person in the sea of faces that you see and forget the next second. i really have to reason to live already. its not anything. but its just that the emotional hurt is too great. such pain was known to shatter the highest mountains. im keeping it within me, letting it shatter me from inside out. im brittle now. extremely fragile. however long it will be inside, i will let it be. the body will shatter soon. how long, i dont bet on the odds. punters, take your best bet and see who gets the top prize.
maybe when im gone, the world will be a better place to live in. we'll see how. i spoke the truth today. to both. my consience is clear. if i die, i die knowing that i have spoken the truth finally. that i kept nothing within me already. i emptied out my soul to make things right, or at the very least, to push it in the direction where it should be. or where my heart tells me it should be.
take out my pain and flush it down, i dont wanna hear the screams in my head already. it is too hurtful. it is too distracting. it is too heartwrenching. let something more physical hurt, miam and murder me.
PLEASE. THROW. ME. IN. THE. SEA. OF. ENDLESS. SORROWS. i belong there. not on earth. not where my actions are destructive to others.
I messed this area @
01:25
01:25
'
whenever you point at a person and call her a bitch, remember, there are always 3 fingers to point back at yourself. dont demean yourself. i will stand up for her and you, but whoever calls the other a bitch first is in the wrong.
'
whenever you point at a person and call her a bitch, remember, there are always 3 fingers to point back at yourself. dont demean yourself. i will stand up for her and you, but whoever calls the other a bitch first is in the wrong.
'
I messed this area @
12:57
12:57
This is how I feel right now. And I seriously doubt it will change. For life.
'
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
'
'
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
'
I messed this area @
01:54
01:54
my mom is going away for a holiday~!~! yeah... =) i get the whole house to myself for 3 whole weeks... =D cant beat that. haha. its, well, freedom? not really. but since the house is gonna be empty, i can do whatever i want. like sleeping naked? walking arnd the house in my birthday suit? wahahaha... i dont care. i got the whole house, and its all mine... haha... =)
my driving today sucks. speeding but what do i care? i need release from all these shit. i wasnt concentrating on the road or in the circuit either. my steering was crazy and unpredictable. movement wise was not smooth. the car stalled and it had a lot of problems today. but lucky no kerb hitting. maybe that will happen soon if my thoughts get more out of hand. then im apt to knock some frail lady down while she is crossing the road with her having the right of way. damnnit.
listen up, im not being an asshole. i pretend to be one so that you can give up on me. i have to be. you have to give up. i know that i care for you, but i cant bring myself to love anymore. i love freedom instead. i love singlehood. i love a lot of things that only i can do alone. im better off being like that than being tied down. im a free bird, choosing where my heart leads me to. what you said, giving in to me for everything, you can never give in fully. its called conditional love. parents, otherwise, give unconditional love, where you do everything possible to make them pissed but they dont ever give up. i want to go back, but i cant bring myself to. cos im messed up, fucked up, all the shit you can find in the books. i wun make a good spouse nor husband. leave it at that. my heart lies with someone, but of whom i want to be a friend. nothing more. i want everyone i meet to be a friend, no strings attached. i have no more reason to love. i cannot find it within me anymore. im a bastard, yea i know it. well, inclination wise, im more towards Joce-lyn. im sorry. thats who i am, what i am. and why? i dont know. i dont care. but i cannot love anymore for i fear to hurt others. im afraid of hurting others. i smoke, i drink, i swear. im an asshole at this. beat that. you, nor anyone else in the world and i figure Joce-lyn too, can accept that of me that i am apt to be doing such things. no one can. only my mom and sis can. these are the only two people, and i trust them. i trust no one else. until the day i can trust and love again... i dont want you to hope in me. i have no hope in myself either.
"may that be never, for fear is the greatest thing man has ever come against."
'I've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me
of you
baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love
the days go on and on and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it
should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone
I've been driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to go
ya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one I know
this is torture - this is pain - it feels like I'm gonna go
insane
I hope you're coming back real soon -cuz I don't know what
to do
'
my driving today sucks. speeding but what do i care? i need release from all these shit. i wasnt concentrating on the road or in the circuit either. my steering was crazy and unpredictable. movement wise was not smooth. the car stalled and it had a lot of problems today. but lucky no kerb hitting. maybe that will happen soon if my thoughts get more out of hand. then im apt to knock some frail lady down while she is crossing the road with her having the right of way. damnnit.
listen up, im not being an asshole. i pretend to be one so that you can give up on me. i have to be. you have to give up. i know that i care for you, but i cant bring myself to love anymore. i love freedom instead. i love singlehood. i love a lot of things that only i can do alone. im better off being like that than being tied down. im a free bird, choosing where my heart leads me to. what you said, giving in to me for everything, you can never give in fully. its called conditional love. parents, otherwise, give unconditional love, where you do everything possible to make them pissed but they dont ever give up. i want to go back, but i cant bring myself to. cos im messed up, fucked up, all the shit you can find in the books. i wun make a good spouse nor husband. leave it at that. my heart lies with someone, but of whom i want to be a friend. nothing more. i want everyone i meet to be a friend, no strings attached. i have no more reason to love. i cannot find it within me anymore. im a bastard, yea i know it. well, inclination wise, im more towards Joce-lyn. im sorry. thats who i am, what i am. and why? i dont know. i dont care. but i cannot love anymore for i fear to hurt others. im afraid of hurting others. i smoke, i drink, i swear. im an asshole at this. beat that. you, nor anyone else in the world and i figure Joce-lyn too, can accept that of me that i am apt to be doing such things. no one can. only my mom and sis can. these are the only two people, and i trust them. i trust no one else. until the day i can trust and love again... i dont want you to hope in me. i have no hope in myself either.
"may that be never, for fear is the greatest thing man has ever come against."
'I've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me
of you
baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love
the days go on and on and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it
should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone
I've been driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to go
ya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one I know
this is torture - this is pain - it feels like I'm gonna go
insane
I hope you're coming back real soon -cuz I don't know what
to do
'
I messed this area @
01:10
01:10
im getting a whole lot of shit soon. thats as soon as i can rake up the cash.
Canon EOS 350D
-
Electronic drum set
-
more cigarettes! =)
Canon EOS 350D
-
Electronic drum set
-
more cigarettes! =)
I messed this area @
02:05
02:05
im not looking back now. its the path of no return. i decided to treat them as friends instead. i cant bring myself to love, though how much i say it and mean it. im mentally drained and i have no more love to give. i guess its time for me to just smell the roses and look at the couples laughing instead.
im not mature enough to be in such a position. my career comes first i guess. i cannot risk that, and i will not. i have to make it out to establish myself finacially. i cant be bothered about the rest of my problems already. i've gone through the scenarios a thousand times, leading me to the same answer. i want to so badly, but is it within my capacity to make it so? its dangerous, im freefalling now without a parachute. i guess i chose to make it so.
thanks guys and gals alike. im tired of hurting, im tired of making others suffer for my stupid actions. i dont want such things to happen anymore. and i have to go. im sorry. its hurting me real real real fucking bad that im sobbing my ass off, but if i dont go, i will hurt more. and i dont want such a thing to happen anymore. i just dont.
'
Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you, want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you
Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care 'bout that
Put your hand in my hand baby, don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now
Woh woh oh
I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes, I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do
Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby, don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us
Ooh, all that I need is you, all that I ever need
And all that I want to do, is hold you forever, forever and ever
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us
(And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever)
Woh oh oh-oh-oh (nothing's gonna stop us now)
Nothing's gonna stop us (world runs out of lovers)
Now (we'll still have each other)
(Nothing's gonna stop us) us now
(And we can build this dream together) hey baby
(Standing strong forever) I know
(Nothing's gonna stop us now)
'
im not mature enough to be in such a position. my career comes first i guess. i cannot risk that, and i will not. i have to make it out to establish myself finacially. i cant be bothered about the rest of my problems already. i've gone through the scenarios a thousand times, leading me to the same answer. i want to so badly, but is it within my capacity to make it so? its dangerous, im freefalling now without a parachute. i guess i chose to make it so.
thanks guys and gals alike. im tired of hurting, im tired of making others suffer for my stupid actions. i dont want such things to happen anymore. and i have to go. im sorry. its hurting me real real real fucking bad that im sobbing my ass off, but if i dont go, i will hurt more. and i dont want such a thing to happen anymore. i just dont.
'
Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you, want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you
Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care 'bout that
Put your hand in my hand baby, don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now
Woh woh oh
I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes, I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do
Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby, don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us
Ooh, all that I need is you, all that I ever need
And all that I want to do, is hold you forever, forever and ever
And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us
(And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever)
Woh oh oh-oh-oh (nothing's gonna stop us now)
Nothing's gonna stop us (world runs out of lovers)
Now (we'll still have each other)
(Nothing's gonna stop us) us now
(And we can build this dream together) hey baby
(Standing strong forever) I know
(Nothing's gonna stop us now)
'
I messed this area @
01:25
01:25
watched some half fucked show about spiders growing into monstrous sizes. those huge MOFOs need a size cut down or two. other than that, its off the plate for me. i slept at 7am, and woke up at 7pm. lesse... 12 hours! not a bad record for some light wine. and of course supper. it sure was great at maxwell food center. cant beat newton though.
ahh well, im not working tomorrow and its time to kick back and relax. im not in the mood for some serious thinking of how my life is gonna work out. i just want to live as it is. well, singlehood, from what louise told me, its way more fun and exciting. she likened it to the fact that you wake up in a bed unknown to you. -_-" damn she has a great big imagination... creative one at that too...
well, i need freedom most of all. its not anything, but its just that im not in any sense ready to settle down. thats what my mom told me, and hell, she knows more about me that i know about myself. i still want fun and to be happy with my actions. well, thats my analogy anyway.
tata~~
ahh well, im not working tomorrow and its time to kick back and relax. im not in the mood for some serious thinking of how my life is gonna work out. i just want to live as it is. well, singlehood, from what louise told me, its way more fun and exciting. she likened it to the fact that you wake up in a bed unknown to you. -_-" damn she has a great big imagination... creative one at that too...
well, i need freedom most of all. its not anything, but its just that im not in any sense ready to settle down. thats what my mom told me, and hell, she knows more about me that i know about myself. i still want fun and to be happy with my actions. well, thats my analogy anyway.
tata~~
I messed this area @
01:17
01:17
i woke up to find that tiff msged me. seems like shes dead beat and down on her problems. well, i got mine too, but hell, i can always push mine back to help others first. at most, i lose out. its always this case isnt it? i have loved you for so long, but yet you chuck me to one side. i dont know what to do. and im confused. but hell, im still trying to navigate the dark waters in the night blindfolded and without a compass. its a spiritbreaking feat, but im trying to accomplish that. make it or break it, move it or lose it. now, which side will i fall down on? to be truthful, i cant be bothered. im pushing myself to make it work, but you dont seem responsive.
'
its not you. its me.
'
its not you. its me.
I messed this area @
12:33
12:33
i just realized that whatever im reading at night is never registering in my brain. im trying to enjoy the book but its not helping me. damn. what has really gotten into me? i want to understand why i am reacting like that. its like i want to read, im reading, but my mind is in another dimension altogether. and then i got thinking about it again. i know my character well enough. i questioned myself on the list of questions that i have asked myself a hundred times over since the start of the week. now my major question is: DO YOU THINK THAT BY DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW IS NOT HURTING ME? think about that. you just dont know. im not rushing you into anything, but hey, look at it this way, i treasure friends, and i treasure you more than a friend. and i want to start it off as friends and eventually move on into something else. thats only if both parties are up to it. and if you are reading this, i hope you think it through carefully and maturely rather than shallowly and short term. i see a future bright cos im willing to put myself into it, im not sure how you look at it.
I messed this area @
06:09
06:09
lets see... today was like so:
woke up late and rushed to work. after that, i made a last second decision to go with kaye to wine connection. we talked. i met this girl, tifanny. louise appeared out of the blue too. seems like the four of us are in the same damn boat. listen up, we like freedom. we like simple things. we dont want complications in out life. we have no need to answer to anyone but ourselves. this is what made us click. apart from personal problems that is. we drank white wine and red wine. i bought one back for myself to stuff. its smooth, and not to mention nice! slick. we chatted and well, talked out our problems. we really want freedom in what we do. we want to live life to the fullest, to talk all the bullshit that is ever possible. louise said to me simply, 'limpei ai lim green tea, pat lang gong chao sng, pat lang gong bo ho lim, pat lang gong simi lan jiao wei, wa ngei ngei ai lim. ying we si wa ai lim. um si li lim, li mai gong ah ni zhuay. we ka ki yong tao nao suin. wa ai, toh si wa ai. mai gong ai ni zhuay.'
what she said is true. i go by my own wishes, by my own ways. i want it, i jolly well work for it. you let me go in the past. im not willing to let you go either way. cos why? i choose what i want to drink, whether the public says otherwise. im me, and no one can do the choosing for me.
i still rememeber what we did when we broke up. i remember all too clearly. i dont care. i dont mind getting hurt again. i say so coz im willing to take all the bullshit that you can throw at me. be my guest. its cos of love that i do so. the scars remain mentally, as do the scars remain on my body. im not erasing them ever. they are a lesson in life that teaches me something new everyday. its freedom forever for me too. i want to be free, to be alone, to be who i am what i am when i am. i am like that. im a total asshole. but i dont care. im never ever erasing those scars that you put on me. cos it just reminds me of you. and i want them on for the rest of my life. if its anything, i want to learn from my mistakes. i dont want them to happen again. i put it down that i am not wanting to hurt you another time. there will never be another time. think its a fairy tale? yes, i think it is. but im working towards that fairytale in life.
you are unsure? you are afraid? dont give me that. you are not all those. you know too well. was it becos i betrayed you before? i admit that i have burt you too. i done my fair share of hurt, if not even more. i have let you down greatly and i dont just want to amend that mistake. i want to show you how much you mean to me. sorry doesnt bring things back to what they were. im working at it to make it all better. i want to give you that life that we can both be happy. i want to make it as best as i can, to the best of my abilities. thats why. im not losing this second chance. i want this second chance to last long. to last eternity. why am i out drinking till late with total strangers? we share the same thing. we want the same thing. freedom and love. that combination is possible. give me time to show you it is. i dreamt of it, and i want to implement it. i havent changed from last year, and im not going to do so of my personality. i am confident in myself to do what i put down in words. all i ask is time. im not asking you to commit now. dont get me wrong. it takes time. and im investing time. neither do i want you to make such drastic changes as you said. i want us to take it slow, to savour every moment of it.
you are never ugly, bad, or even distasteful in my eyes. you are nothing near them. you are in every way beautiful. and i want to show you things you never thought possible. things that are within our means, if we work together. all i ask is time of you. this is the starting of the dream i carved out to make it true in every sense. and most importantly, i want to see the dream being fufilled.
Kaye (geraldine), Louise, Tifanny... heres to singlehood and freedom for life! cheers. =)
woke up late and rushed to work. after that, i made a last second decision to go with kaye to wine connection. we talked. i met this girl, tifanny. louise appeared out of the blue too. seems like the four of us are in the same damn boat. listen up, we like freedom. we like simple things. we dont want complications in out life. we have no need to answer to anyone but ourselves. this is what made us click. apart from personal problems that is. we drank white wine and red wine. i bought one back for myself to stuff. its smooth, and not to mention nice! slick. we chatted and well, talked out our problems. we really want freedom in what we do. we want to live life to the fullest, to talk all the bullshit that is ever possible. louise said to me simply, 'limpei ai lim green tea, pat lang gong chao sng, pat lang gong bo ho lim, pat lang gong simi lan jiao wei, wa ngei ngei ai lim. ying we si wa ai lim. um si li lim, li mai gong ah ni zhuay. we ka ki yong tao nao suin. wa ai, toh si wa ai. mai gong ai ni zhuay.'
what she said is true. i go by my own wishes, by my own ways. i want it, i jolly well work for it. you let me go in the past. im not willing to let you go either way. cos why? i choose what i want to drink, whether the public says otherwise. im me, and no one can do the choosing for me.
i still rememeber what we did when we broke up. i remember all too clearly. i dont care. i dont mind getting hurt again. i say so coz im willing to take all the bullshit that you can throw at me. be my guest. its cos of love that i do so. the scars remain mentally, as do the scars remain on my body. im not erasing them ever. they are a lesson in life that teaches me something new everyday. its freedom forever for me too. i want to be free, to be alone, to be who i am what i am when i am. i am like that. im a total asshole. but i dont care. im never ever erasing those scars that you put on me. cos it just reminds me of you. and i want them on for the rest of my life. if its anything, i want to learn from my mistakes. i dont want them to happen again. i put it down that i am not wanting to hurt you another time. there will never be another time. think its a fairy tale? yes, i think it is. but im working towards that fairytale in life.
you are unsure? you are afraid? dont give me that. you are not all those. you know too well. was it becos i betrayed you before? i admit that i have burt you too. i done my fair share of hurt, if not even more. i have let you down greatly and i dont just want to amend that mistake. i want to show you how much you mean to me. sorry doesnt bring things back to what they were. im working at it to make it all better. i want to give you that life that we can both be happy. i want to make it as best as i can, to the best of my abilities. thats why. im not losing this second chance. i want this second chance to last long. to last eternity. why am i out drinking till late with total strangers? we share the same thing. we want the same thing. freedom and love. that combination is possible. give me time to show you it is. i dreamt of it, and i want to implement it. i havent changed from last year, and im not going to do so of my personality. i am confident in myself to do what i put down in words. all i ask is time. im not asking you to commit now. dont get me wrong. it takes time. and im investing time. neither do i want you to make such drastic changes as you said. i want us to take it slow, to savour every moment of it.
you are never ugly, bad, or even distasteful in my eyes. you are nothing near them. you are in every way beautiful. and i want to show you things you never thought possible. things that are within our means, if we work together. all i ask is time of you. this is the starting of the dream i carved out to make it true in every sense. and most importantly, i want to see the dream being fufilled.
Kaye (geraldine), Louise, Tifanny... heres to singlehood and freedom for life! cheers. =)
I messed this area @
03:57
03:57
had a talk with summer and mark. seems like they are telling me the same damn thing. only thing is, mark knows me better and im too stubborn and headstrong to listen to sound advice. he knows my reaction to situations and what is gonna happen. mark seems like a damn gypsy. summer is telling me to just remain friends. i can tell she has my interests at heart. everyone is singing to the same tune, while i choose to go against the flow and to give it my ultimate shot. or more likely, die trying. am i born THIS stupid?
what seems wrong with me? i personally dont know. why do i choose to go back in time? im not sure either. mark asked me this question. is what im doing now just for fun or for seriousness? you oughta know the answer. why? why? why??? why am i so stupid? mark is asking me that. why do i choose to get hurt again? summer just put it across plain in my face, if you know that its dead, why do you still hang on? that left me in silence. she told me the best move is for me to move on, and dont ever look back. is that ever possible for me when you left a dent in my life? somehow, i feel like the reason is for them to protect me, not letting me fall again. summer can tell that i am not willing to give up, even what has been said and done. but summer left me with this piece of advice, being friends opens new worlds. and from there, then you analyse the picture again and decide your next move. isnt this just like a game of chess??? i suck badly at chess.
maybe im too headstrong. maybe i just see the target ahead of me and i dont look at the surrounding dangers. the surrounding dangers are oblivious to me. i dont care. i dont bother. all sides are slamming me right now. but im still pushing ahead cos of you. summer, mark, you told me a lot of things. i want to do so. but i know i cant let go without trying another time. i just want to. i want things to work.
why is life filled with fucking maybes?!?!?!?!?!?! why cant it be 'you can bet your testes on that piece of shit?' argh. i want to be friends first, to really know you. but im just plain afraid to lose you ok? i admit, im afraid to lose you.
what seems wrong with me? i personally dont know. why do i choose to go back in time? im not sure either. mark asked me this question. is what im doing now just for fun or for seriousness? you oughta know the answer. why? why? why??? why am i so stupid? mark is asking me that. why do i choose to get hurt again? summer just put it across plain in my face, if you know that its dead, why do you still hang on? that left me in silence. she told me the best move is for me to move on, and dont ever look back. is that ever possible for me when you left a dent in my life? somehow, i feel like the reason is for them to protect me, not letting me fall again. summer can tell that i am not willing to give up, even what has been said and done. but summer left me with this piece of advice, being friends opens new worlds. and from there, then you analyse the picture again and decide your next move. isnt this just like a game of chess??? i suck badly at chess.
maybe im too headstrong. maybe i just see the target ahead of me and i dont look at the surrounding dangers. the surrounding dangers are oblivious to me. i dont care. i dont bother. all sides are slamming me right now. but im still pushing ahead cos of you. summer, mark, you told me a lot of things. i want to do so. but i know i cant let go without trying another time. i just want to. i want things to work.
why is life filled with fucking maybes?!?!?!?!?!?! why cant it be 'you can bet your testes on that piece of shit?' argh. i want to be friends first, to really know you. but im just plain afraid to lose you ok? i admit, im afraid to lose you.
I messed this area @
01:16
01:16