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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
Well, its true. and i have finally let go of L.
today was supposed to go out with shuan. but then coz of personal problems, he called it off. and i went out to HMV for fun. i use bus pass, so thats ok. pay already, then must abuse a bit lor. haha. so went out alone to HMV and then just walk around aimlessly. and since i had nothing to do, decided to take the bus home again lor. its like an hour's ride back. and i have time to burn.
anyway, when coming up on pasir panjang, hungry already, so alighted at the market and then bought some food to eat. aiya, sian lor, so little stalls open so had quite little to choose from. either way, im not choosy over food, i practically eat everything. eat already, feel a bit nutty, so ordered a can of beer and walked to the bus stop. drank along the way, wanted to have the feeling of drunkeness. so can forget easier maybe??
but then reach bus stop already, didnt feel like going home. so decided to walk along a boat mooring area... the pier is a quiet place and thats like my type of area. to be alone. and when i was there, i noticed a container ship moving out of the dock onto the seaway. i saw the entire process and related it to me. currently im stuck in this rut, and now im reversing my way out of it. and i will turn 180 degrees and move on with life. i saw it as a sign from God and i believe that i should follow it. and i thank God for this sign that i noticed.
this day, i thank God for creating signs to tell me that i have to reverse and take stock of my life, and then move on from that dead end. and now, im following what i see and i trust in Him to lead me a better life. and now its late already, so i guess i better nod off already. night all..
today was supposed to go out with shuan. but then coz of personal problems, he called it off. and i went out to HMV for fun. i use bus pass, so thats ok. pay already, then must abuse a bit lor. haha. so went out alone to HMV and then just walk around aimlessly. and since i had nothing to do, decided to take the bus home again lor. its like an hour's ride back. and i have time to burn.
anyway, when coming up on pasir panjang, hungry already, so alighted at the market and then bought some food to eat. aiya, sian lor, so little stalls open so had quite little to choose from. either way, im not choosy over food, i practically eat everything. eat already, feel a bit nutty, so ordered a can of beer and walked to the bus stop. drank along the way, wanted to have the feeling of drunkeness. so can forget easier maybe??
but then reach bus stop already, didnt feel like going home. so decided to walk along a boat mooring area... the pier is a quiet place and thats like my type of area. to be alone. and when i was there, i noticed a container ship moving out of the dock onto the seaway. i saw the entire process and related it to me. currently im stuck in this rut, and now im reversing my way out of it. and i will turn 180 degrees and move on with life. i saw it as a sign from God and i believe that i should follow it. and i thank God for this sign that i noticed.
this day, i thank God for creating signs to tell me that i have to reverse and take stock of my life, and then move on from that dead end. and now, im following what i see and i trust in Him to lead me a better life. and now its late already, so i guess i better nod off already. night all..
I messed this area @
02:06
02:06
wahahaha... today we have to report to work early, and go back late!!!!! what the hell?? somemore no OT pay leh... hmm, wonder if it was a mistake to come back and work... aiya, decision made already, so no choice.
same thing, arrived at work late as usual. what you want me to do? i cannot sleep coz every night im thinking about L. wah lau... shes like occupying my mind even more than what my studies can handle. but either way, i made it to work so freaking early, and then open shop at 11.30... haiz... waste my time leh... but the statistics for today was 1 laptop, 1 handycam, 2 Hi-MD players, 2 CD players... wah... on cloud nine sia. today luckily for me, i didnt go out to smoke. and best thing was, im slowly learning to accept her as a friend instead of someone who is close to me. so today didnt really think much about her, except on those occasions when i see couples together and when im not busy. shit, i still hope to God that i can have her back. and thing is, she says that i changed so much that she cannot accept me back. like what kind of reason is that? if you love someone, however much that person changes, you will still love him. and i have this feeling to give her up there and then. but i guess my heart is still attached to hers, so im not willing to give up.
but anyway, im now experiencing something which i havent felt in a while. freedom. freedom to do whatever i want, answering to no one and to make things out as i wish them to be. the time alone gives me that freedom. and now, im thinking that if i never am attached anymore, i will keep a simple life. work in the day, go home and eat sleep and bathe and crash into bed. sound monotonous, but i like familiarity. maybe its because im hurt so much by her that i feel like i have lost the power to love someone else. and that i will always compare things such as the way she walks to the other. and im afraid to hurt another person. and i dont want to.
i went back from work and then talked with my sister... she kind of advised me on some things. and its like i just have to take it easy. coz she has already said not to wait for her. and thats the same as telling me that she will not change who she loves. but tell me, if that someone gives her up, should i try to win her back? my sis says no, my friends say no, and my colleagues say no. but i feel that i should say yes. should i? or should i not? i dont know, and i dont care anymore. i guess when the time comes, i will consider then. but not now. for now, i want that freedom being able not to answer to anyone as to where i am and what im doing. but i guess if she comes back and if im unattached, i will consider. not a straight yes or no. but i will consider.
so anyway, its late already and im tired. i think im off to bed already. and then, im gonna be plagued by her someday. the memories will come back and bite me in the ass big time. damnit...
same thing, arrived at work late as usual. what you want me to do? i cannot sleep coz every night im thinking about L. wah lau... shes like occupying my mind even more than what my studies can handle. but either way, i made it to work so freaking early, and then open shop at 11.30... haiz... waste my time leh... but the statistics for today was 1 laptop, 1 handycam, 2 Hi-MD players, 2 CD players... wah... on cloud nine sia. today luckily for me, i didnt go out to smoke. and best thing was, im slowly learning to accept her as a friend instead of someone who is close to me. so today didnt really think much about her, except on those occasions when i see couples together and when im not busy. shit, i still hope to God that i can have her back. and thing is, she says that i changed so much that she cannot accept me back. like what kind of reason is that? if you love someone, however much that person changes, you will still love him. and i have this feeling to give her up there and then. but i guess my heart is still attached to hers, so im not willing to give up.
but anyway, im now experiencing something which i havent felt in a while. freedom. freedom to do whatever i want, answering to no one and to make things out as i wish them to be. the time alone gives me that freedom. and now, im thinking that if i never am attached anymore, i will keep a simple life. work in the day, go home and eat sleep and bathe and crash into bed. sound monotonous, but i like familiarity. maybe its because im hurt so much by her that i feel like i have lost the power to love someone else. and that i will always compare things such as the way she walks to the other. and im afraid to hurt another person. and i dont want to.
i went back from work and then talked with my sister... she kind of advised me on some things. and its like i just have to take it easy. coz she has already said not to wait for her. and thats the same as telling me that she will not change who she loves. but tell me, if that someone gives her up, should i try to win her back? my sis says no, my friends say no, and my colleagues say no. but i feel that i should say yes. should i? or should i not? i dont know, and i dont care anymore. i guess when the time comes, i will consider then. but not now. for now, i want that freedom being able not to answer to anyone as to where i am and what im doing. but i guess if she comes back and if im unattached, i will consider. not a straight yes or no. but i will consider.
so anyway, its late already and im tired. i think im off to bed already. and then, im gonna be plagued by her someday. the memories will come back and bite me in the ass big time. damnit...
I messed this area @
02:06
02:06
My manager called me at 1am in the morning and asked me if i wanted to work. what the hell, so late already and you call me and ask. at first i said no, coz i really didnt feel like working. then thought about it, think that coz when i knew nuts that time, she still accepted me in to teach me the skills that i now possess. what shit, so decided to go back lor. another plus point was that L is working at Sitex. so she and i wouldnt see each other.
ok lor... called back at 2am, agree to work for 2 days. and then sure enough, woke up late for work.. haiz. rush to work, then start to open shop already. ok, for the day, i sold 2 laptops and 1 digital camera... woohoo... not bad la... coz today no mood to sell actually. wah sian... kept thinking about her and then really broke my promise to myself not to smoke. i went out for a break to smoke as usual lor. i know its not good and all that jazz, but what hell do i care when i see every couple and envision me and her together?? kinda has a psychological effect to make me suicidal. fuck it.
so anyway, work day end, i called her and asked her if she wanted me to go to expo to send her home. shes bloody indecisive, so the answer i got was anything. you want, i go. dont want, i dont go. thats it! how bloody hard can it be to make a decision like that?? so i travelled down to expo and then suddenly thought about that day when she mentioned the favourite drink she liked. so i rushed all the way to simei and then bought that drink, and took the train back to expo... ya, sounds dumb, but then, its the little things that makes it special to me. i dont believe in sending 99 roses on valentines day. i believe in sending 99 roses when its not valentines day. thats what i will do to the person whom i love.
when i met her, she told me that she was going to JB... what the hell?!?!?!?! i rush down all the way from city hall and you tell me you going JB? all im doing is to make sure that you arrive home safe since its so late already and you are going out in the middle of the night? no sense of timing. and the reason that she is going to JB? to meet up with him. and when we were together, she didnt even bother to send me home last time... not that it matters, but that tells me that she wasnt willing to sacrifice for me. and maybe im a fool for still loving her.
so i sent her home, from expo, and during the bus ride, i told her all i have to tell her. and after that, we talked some more at the carpark near her home. end result of the talk? we stay as friends. for me, i cannot be so selfish to rush into her life and take her away from him. both parties will end up sad. my happiness, to me, is nothing compared to her happiness. and yes, i may feel sad, i may feel hurt, and im feeling depressed, but i dont want others to experience the same thing as me. and maybe thats why i take the blame for everything that goes wrong in my life. anyone will call me naive, stupid and a fool. and sadly, i agree with them.
thats all i have to say today. i still have work tomorrow. and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. i hope.
ok lor... called back at 2am, agree to work for 2 days. and then sure enough, woke up late for work.. haiz. rush to work, then start to open shop already. ok, for the day, i sold 2 laptops and 1 digital camera... woohoo... not bad la... coz today no mood to sell actually. wah sian... kept thinking about her and then really broke my promise to myself not to smoke. i went out for a break to smoke as usual lor. i know its not good and all that jazz, but what hell do i care when i see every couple and envision me and her together?? kinda has a psychological effect to make me suicidal. fuck it.
so anyway, work day end, i called her and asked her if she wanted me to go to expo to send her home. shes bloody indecisive, so the answer i got was anything. you want, i go. dont want, i dont go. thats it! how bloody hard can it be to make a decision like that?? so i travelled down to expo and then suddenly thought about that day when she mentioned the favourite drink she liked. so i rushed all the way to simei and then bought that drink, and took the train back to expo... ya, sounds dumb, but then, its the little things that makes it special to me. i dont believe in sending 99 roses on valentines day. i believe in sending 99 roses when its not valentines day. thats what i will do to the person whom i love.
when i met her, she told me that she was going to JB... what the hell?!?!?!?! i rush down all the way from city hall and you tell me you going JB? all im doing is to make sure that you arrive home safe since its so late already and you are going out in the middle of the night? no sense of timing. and the reason that she is going to JB? to meet up with him. and when we were together, she didnt even bother to send me home last time... not that it matters, but that tells me that she wasnt willing to sacrifice for me. and maybe im a fool for still loving her.
so i sent her home, from expo, and during the bus ride, i told her all i have to tell her. and after that, we talked some more at the carpark near her home. end result of the talk? we stay as friends. for me, i cannot be so selfish to rush into her life and take her away from him. both parties will end up sad. my happiness, to me, is nothing compared to her happiness. and yes, i may feel sad, i may feel hurt, and im feeling depressed, but i dont want others to experience the same thing as me. and maybe thats why i take the blame for everything that goes wrong in my life. anyone will call me naive, stupid and a fool. and sadly, i agree with them.
thats all i have to say today. i still have work tomorrow. and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. i hope.
I messed this area @
02:24
02:24
today basket, i solo fella... go out alone, eat alone and do things alone.. haha... im a very lonely person. and an introvert. so being alone is very good for me. i cannot mingle too much with people. otherwise i'll go nuts.
besides, today felt a bit high, so decided to make my way down to Expo to see the sitex show. all those new IT models out then have a look see lor. i mean, its free, so i go down since i oso very free... then wat the hell, i went out at 6 pm.. woohoo... sitex show end at 9pm daily and i head over at 6pm.. with one hour travel time not included. so reached there about 7pm already... haha, decided to go to the sony booth to see my colleagues.. then oso got a surprise, saw this old colleague of mine who was from sony HQ.. so talk talk and then chat up on past times... oso saw L there... she working at sitex then just passed her and moved on. walked around the area, wah, the place is so damn big. and then furthermore, got the razer competition at the back... wat the hell... its like Alana "Ms. X" Reid versus 50 odd competitors... and she trashed all of them lor... btw, shes the world number one female player... so thats no joke. most of the scores were 12 - 0... scary...
then later went on to Changi Airport... go there not to take plane but to take pictures of planes... got nothing better to do what... and take so many pictures, memory almost full already... i have 256MB leh... so thats some shit. then L called. wat the hell, ask me why i sent her that sms sound so angry. right on im angry, but what to do, lie to her lor, say im fine... not angry at all. see watch, wah, 10 pm only... so early.. i was thinking of staying until 11.30 lor... then slowly make my way home. besides, im alone, so got not much people to answer to. take the mrt home, reach home around 11.30... sian...
i feel that i should stay out later then trek home... more fun. besides, walking at night much nicer... then can take more photos. but tired already. so time to head off to bed, to see whether i can sleep or not. we'll see... g'night...
besides, today felt a bit high, so decided to make my way down to Expo to see the sitex show. all those new IT models out then have a look see lor. i mean, its free, so i go down since i oso very free... then wat the hell, i went out at 6 pm.. woohoo... sitex show end at 9pm daily and i head over at 6pm.. with one hour travel time not included. so reached there about 7pm already... haha, decided to go to the sony booth to see my colleagues.. then oso got a surprise, saw this old colleague of mine who was from sony HQ.. so talk talk and then chat up on past times... oso saw L there... she working at sitex then just passed her and moved on. walked around the area, wah, the place is so damn big. and then furthermore, got the razer competition at the back... wat the hell... its like Alana "Ms. X" Reid versus 50 odd competitors... and she trashed all of them lor... btw, shes the world number one female player... so thats no joke. most of the scores were 12 - 0... scary...
then later went on to Changi Airport... go there not to take plane but to take pictures of planes... got nothing better to do what... and take so many pictures, memory almost full already... i have 256MB leh... so thats some shit. then L called. wat the hell, ask me why i sent her that sms sound so angry. right on im angry, but what to do, lie to her lor, say im fine... not angry at all. see watch, wah, 10 pm only... so early.. i was thinking of staying until 11.30 lor... then slowly make my way home. besides, im alone, so got not much people to answer to. take the mrt home, reach home around 11.30... sian...
i feel that i should stay out later then trek home... more fun. besides, walking at night much nicer... then can take more photos. but tired already. so time to head off to bed, to see whether i can sleep or not. we'll see... g'night...
I messed this area @
00:09
00:09
wat the hell... its like today was pure crap... i mean, my computer broke down on me for no god damn reason, L pissed me off, and then, i had a bunch of problems to solve on my laptop... fuck it.. i know swearing is not that nice, but im so frastrated that i think im gonna explode...
why cant my laptop EVER be problem free?? damn it... i have one problem after another and then it cannot find driver la, it cannot detect modem la, it cannot download page and it got errors all over the fucking page. fuck it. and im way to freaking lazy to reformat again.
and then i called L, she say she at Expo for the Sitex roadshow. so i kinda made a promise to her to go over to Sitex and fetch her home last time. then she called me and tell me that her brother is there. SO LIKE WHAT THE HELL U TELL ME FOR!!!!! UR BROTHER THERE SO WHAT!!!!! she tell me not to go already. i didnt bother to ask why. the reason already fucking clear. I DONT WANT MY BROTHER TO SEE ME WITH YOU!!! damn it... im so pissed already. problems after problems keep arising. how crappy can this day get?? wat the hell, i mean, ur brother go there to sitex means i cannot go ah? sure, he fetch u home... so what?? i promised to fetch you home... then never mind.. reach home already, she sms me.. its not that i want to be pissed. for now, im not prepared to listen to reason. but the moment i received that sms, i shoot back and told her that if she does not want to tell me that she is safely home, she can jolly well not do so. coz yesterday she didnt even bother to sms me. i mean, that shows that she doesnt even care about me! here i am so worried for her, and there she is not bothering. i know, i know, i gave her up in the first place and ignored her subsequent smses. yea, retribution. fuck it.
shoot her already, then finally brought the laptop back online. damn... so long then can make it. shit... then went to hardwarezone, see people thread abt this guy want to jio this girl who already has a bf... similiar problem like mine, only difference is that he didnt have her in the first place. so i post lor.. i mean, see whether others can advise me. so post already, wah, this fella post back, ' This kinda girls dont waste time la. Sounds to me she's pretty hard up and in dire need of a guy...pretty much in line of a "FFA" buffet '. to this guy, thanks for awakening me to my senses. i need to forget her already. and now, i think i have the motivation to do so. coz the clarity is there. and whats more, all my closest people to me have already told me the same thing. so i guess its time to let go. maybe now, i can concentrate more on my studies. and maybe, hopefully, not get attached anymore in anyway. i guess, being single is a blessing in itself already. and after being hurt so much, i dont wanna be hurt again. once bitten, twice shy.
thats all i have to say already. im off for the day... night...
why cant my laptop EVER be problem free?? damn it... i have one problem after another and then it cannot find driver la, it cannot detect modem la, it cannot download page and it got errors all over the fucking page. fuck it. and im way to freaking lazy to reformat again.
and then i called L, she say she at Expo for the Sitex roadshow. so i kinda made a promise to her to go over to Sitex and fetch her home last time. then she called me and tell me that her brother is there. SO LIKE WHAT THE HELL U TELL ME FOR!!!!! UR BROTHER THERE SO WHAT!!!!! she tell me not to go already. i didnt bother to ask why. the reason already fucking clear. I DONT WANT MY BROTHER TO SEE ME WITH YOU!!! damn it... im so pissed already. problems after problems keep arising. how crappy can this day get?? wat the hell, i mean, ur brother go there to sitex means i cannot go ah? sure, he fetch u home... so what?? i promised to fetch you home... then never mind.. reach home already, she sms me.. its not that i want to be pissed. for now, im not prepared to listen to reason. but the moment i received that sms, i shoot back and told her that if she does not want to tell me that she is safely home, she can jolly well not do so. coz yesterday she didnt even bother to sms me. i mean, that shows that she doesnt even care about me! here i am so worried for her, and there she is not bothering. i know, i know, i gave her up in the first place and ignored her subsequent smses. yea, retribution. fuck it.
shoot her already, then finally brought the laptop back online. damn... so long then can make it. shit... then went to hardwarezone, see people thread abt this guy want to jio this girl who already has a bf... similiar problem like mine, only difference is that he didnt have her in the first place. so i post lor.. i mean, see whether others can advise me. so post already, wah, this fella post back, ' This kinda girls dont waste time la. Sounds to me she's pretty hard up and in dire need of a guy...pretty much in line of a "FFA" buffet '. to this guy, thanks for awakening me to my senses. i need to forget her already. and now, i think i have the motivation to do so. coz the clarity is there. and whats more, all my closest people to me have already told me the same thing. so i guess its time to let go. maybe now, i can concentrate more on my studies. and maybe, hopefully, not get attached anymore in anyway. i guess, being single is a blessing in itself already. and after being hurt so much, i dont wanna be hurt again. once bitten, twice shy.
thats all i have to say already. im off for the day... night...
I messed this area @
03:11
03:11
well, today i went out with shaun... this guy is my close friend... as in real close, coz he is like my brother is a way... so anyway, we met up and kinda talked... sort of catching up on the times we spent together in a previous school... and abt the current problems we have. so i have this relationship problem and we discussed abt it.. and hey, i felt better after that. but my mind was swimming with the decision to leave L or not.
i really don't know what to do already. i mean, i was so confussed and that leaving her wouldnt solve my problems entirely. maybe the reason i want to be with her is that she is someone that is special to me and that i enjoy the time spent with her. so anyway, it rained the whole damn day and we were stuck inside burger king talking away... all my problems were poured out to him and he poured out his problem to me. so basically, we both worked together to solve each other's problems. seems like i had a bigger problem than him though... haha...
anyway, after we talked, decided to go grab a drink... as in alcohol.. i mean, its like a bit in a while doesnt hurt right?? so went to the 7-eleven to get some beer and then sat down and talk a bit more.. haiz... the problems seem never ending... after that, went home already. so when i was at home, my sis came back with her creative zen touch and then she said it hang... so i fix lor... i mean, its like pushing the reset button only wat... thats why it has a reset button. i use apple ipod... and that is way way way much better than what creative can come up with for now... coz of one thing. IT DOESNT HANG!!!!!
so anyway, decided like what the hell la, tell my sis abt the problem... basically, everyone is telling me the same thing. that L is not for me and that shes jus playing around. maybe im blind, maybe its just that i choose not to see. i dunno. either way, im kinda convinced to let her go. but my heart is telling me that i am crazy to let her go another time. jeez... if only there was an easy way out of this. and another reason why im not willing to let her go, is because she knows me very well... its the familiarity that she can know my style. and i am very comfortable with her. i guess i'll leave this problem for another day. but the question will still remain. should i leave her entirely or not? the answer is already staring at me in the face... i have yet to open my eyes to read it.
thats all for today... night...
i really don't know what to do already. i mean, i was so confussed and that leaving her wouldnt solve my problems entirely. maybe the reason i want to be with her is that she is someone that is special to me and that i enjoy the time spent with her. so anyway, it rained the whole damn day and we were stuck inside burger king talking away... all my problems were poured out to him and he poured out his problem to me. so basically, we both worked together to solve each other's problems. seems like i had a bigger problem than him though... haha...
anyway, after we talked, decided to go grab a drink... as in alcohol.. i mean, its like a bit in a while doesnt hurt right?? so went to the 7-eleven to get some beer and then sat down and talk a bit more.. haiz... the problems seem never ending... after that, went home already. so when i was at home, my sis came back with her creative zen touch and then she said it hang... so i fix lor... i mean, its like pushing the reset button only wat... thats why it has a reset button. i use apple ipod... and that is way way way much better than what creative can come up with for now... coz of one thing. IT DOESNT HANG!!!!!
so anyway, decided like what the hell la, tell my sis abt the problem... basically, everyone is telling me the same thing. that L is not for me and that shes jus playing around. maybe im blind, maybe its just that i choose not to see. i dunno. either way, im kinda convinced to let her go. but my heart is telling me that i am crazy to let her go another time. jeez... if only there was an easy way out of this. and another reason why im not willing to let her go, is because she knows me very well... its the familiarity that she can know my style. and i am very comfortable with her. i guess i'll leave this problem for another day. but the question will still remain. should i leave her entirely or not? the answer is already staring at me in the face... i have yet to open my eyes to read it.
thats all for today... night...
I messed this area @
02:56
02:56
so after i wrote that post, then the day went on... basically, i sat in a chair and played MapleStory for damn long... haha... kinda addicted to the damn game already. i mean, its like little cute characters fighting and then u trying to be the best in the game... sounds boring? yeah, its getting boring for me already. but i still play it coz i have nothing to do.
then i realized that today was the day L was going back to malaysia to visit her bf... well, i WAS her bf, but then i let her go... real dumb move... but now im trying my best to be hers again. so anyway, i decided to fetch her to the bus station to go to malaysia la... when i picked her up, then she asked me whether i wanted to bring her all the way to causeway... i was kinda stunned... no passport how to bring u across causeway?? siao liao... so i told her i bring her to causeway and then i turn back without passing thru immigration. so rush all the way to bus station in bugis via taxi... same thing la, i pay... then board bus and then talk talk a bit... i mean, i was pretty silent most of the time. i dont really like to talk a lot.
anyway, reach causeway already, i followed her up to immigration and watched her pass thru... then turn back lor... cannot do much already. take bus and train home oso take quite long... so sian. but reach home already quite late... so go nothing better to do, play MapleStory again!! aiya... maybe another late nighter for me liao la... nittie...
then i realized that today was the day L was going back to malaysia to visit her bf... well, i WAS her bf, but then i let her go... real dumb move... but now im trying my best to be hers again. so anyway, i decided to fetch her to the bus station to go to malaysia la... when i picked her up, then she asked me whether i wanted to bring her all the way to causeway... i was kinda stunned... no passport how to bring u across causeway?? siao liao... so i told her i bring her to causeway and then i turn back without passing thru immigration. so rush all the way to bus station in bugis via taxi... same thing la, i pay... then board bus and then talk talk a bit... i mean, i was pretty silent most of the time. i dont really like to talk a lot.
anyway, reach causeway already, i followed her up to immigration and watched her pass thru... then turn back lor... cannot do much already. take bus and train home oso take quite long... so sian. but reach home already quite late... so go nothing better to do, play MapleStory again!! aiya... maybe another late nighter for me liao la... nittie...
I messed this area @
01:38
01:38
haha... like the post says, i got nothing to say... but actually, got this sec sch friend, she quite close to me one... like my sister... then she ask me if i was ok abt last time that problem la... God knows how she knows... aiya, either way, so long neva contact her and she still care for me... haha. im not a person that makes contact with everybody frequently...
well, sian la... everyday slack at hm and play MapleStory... basket. its damn addictive la. but i got time to burn? yea right... im just too lazy to pick up my books to revise. so play games all day... haha... real bum...
aiya, damn sian la... i think i go read a storybook... or speaking abt story... i think i'll play MapleStory... haha!!! later...
well, sian la... everyday slack at hm and play MapleStory... basket. its damn addictive la. but i got time to burn? yea right... im just too lazy to pick up my books to revise. so play games all day... haha... real bum...
aiya, damn sian la... i think i go read a storybook... or speaking abt story... i think i'll play MapleStory... haha!!! later...
I messed this area @
13:06
13:06
wah, todae damn funny sia... coz wake up so early, and then got to rush to the hospital to meet the 9.30 am appointment. basket... i damn tired coz i slept at 3 am last night and then was so drowsy while waiting for L to finish her checkup at SGH ENT ( Ear Nose Throat ) Centre... anyway, checkup finished already, then go get medicine... wah lau... the whole hospital so cold... wonder how those doctors and nurses can work in a freezer...
so got the medicine already, decided to go for lunch... well, my idea la, coz i didnt eat breakfast and then felt so hungry.. and since she vegetarian, i ask her to go someplace ( Lavender Street ) where i dunno to eat lor... besides, i can eat vegetarian food, so no problemo... eating that time see 2 mediacorp artistes come in with so many people... people that were with them dress in monk clothes, so u know... aiya, i oso cannot be bothered abt them lor.. so eat already, just leave. so they are actors and actresses ( husband and wife mah ), but must i really care?? haha... i got bo chap attitude...
then go watch movie le... wah... u believe i watched 2 movies back to back within the same day?? its like she wanted to watch 'The Incredibles', so buy tickets already... but then shes a movie buff, a horror one at that, then say oso feel like watching 'The Forgotten'... i mean, aiya, she say dun wan to watch, but then i know she want, so buy another set lor... i got not much time to spend with her, and then oso just wanna make her happy... so sometimes do what she likes lor... watch 2 movies in a day... wah piang... eyes damn pain now sia..
movies end, go home liao la... if still go walk, i collapse on the sidewalk sia... so i bring her home and then i head home myself lor... no sense in staying out so late anyway... so late already and im running on 4 hours of sleep... i go sleep already la!!! nite...
so got the medicine already, decided to go for lunch... well, my idea la, coz i didnt eat breakfast and then felt so hungry.. and since she vegetarian, i ask her to go someplace ( Lavender Street ) where i dunno to eat lor... besides, i can eat vegetarian food, so no problemo... eating that time see 2 mediacorp artistes come in with so many people... people that were with them dress in monk clothes, so u know... aiya, i oso cannot be bothered abt them lor.. so eat already, just leave. so they are actors and actresses ( husband and wife mah ), but must i really care?? haha... i got bo chap attitude...
then go watch movie le... wah... u believe i watched 2 movies back to back within the same day?? its like she wanted to watch 'The Incredibles', so buy tickets already... but then shes a movie buff, a horror one at that, then say oso feel like watching 'The Forgotten'... i mean, aiya, she say dun wan to watch, but then i know she want, so buy another set lor... i got not much time to spend with her, and then oso just wanna make her happy... so sometimes do what she likes lor... watch 2 movies in a day... wah piang... eyes damn pain now sia..
movies end, go home liao la... if still go walk, i collapse on the sidewalk sia... so i bring her home and then i head home myself lor... no sense in staying out so late anyway... so late already and im running on 4 hours of sleep... i go sleep already la!!! nite...
I messed this area @
02:59
02:59
well, today actually didnt intend to do anything one. coz last night jeff ask me whether wanna go to motorshow 2004, so i go nothing to do, ok lor, so wanna go... then basket... today afternoon, i must ask him whether wanna go, then he say cannot.. got some wedding or something... haiz... i mean, never mind lor. u have ur own thing running, so no problem with me... but wat the hell, i must call u then u tell me man... basket...
anyway, today still went out coz L called me, say that she not feeling too good that wanna go see doctor. i treat S and L as friends now. so its ok with me. so i went to my previous workplace to pick her up then go polyclinic la... basket... round trip in a taxi from my place to city hall, cost me 17 bucks... wat the hell... i mean, i go to changi from my place, still got change leh!! then go city hall and back, kena 17 dollars!! wah... damn expensive sia... so anyway, waited at polyclinic for like damn long lar... its like one hour wait lor... wait until gone case sia... but thing is, go there is wait to get referral letter to SGH only...
got referral letter, i still must persuade her to go to SGH somemore... coz of some problem that is personal between her and me, i shouldnt mention it. but anyway, arrive in SGH, the freaking map is like damn freaking useless. so off base... but in the end, ask here and there, managed to find our way... then in SGH kena pushed from one section to another. i mean, hey, we need to see a specialist and u give us a general practitioner first to determine the problem? oie... the problem is already figured out. only need to see specialist... not GP... coz the way SGH works is that i bring the patient to a GP first to determine the illness then i assess and submit to the correct specialist. thats like wasting resources in my view... but they work that way, no choice, got to follow.
done with everything in SGH already, then i bring her home lor... besides, she tired already and then tmr still got another appointment with the doctor... siao... i day cannot do all the checking meh?? haiz... ok lor, so i tmr also bring her there. siao liaoz... so late, i dunno whether i can wake up or not. aiya, anyway, enjoyed the time with her la. shes someone special to me, whether as a friend or a personal friend.
late already la.. and tmr cannot wake up one. sure late for her appointment. i go sleep already la. nite...
anyway, today still went out coz L called me, say that she not feeling too good that wanna go see doctor. i treat S and L as friends now. so its ok with me. so i went to my previous workplace to pick her up then go polyclinic la... basket... round trip in a taxi from my place to city hall, cost me 17 bucks... wat the hell... i mean, i go to changi from my place, still got change leh!! then go city hall and back, kena 17 dollars!! wah... damn expensive sia... so anyway, waited at polyclinic for like damn long lar... its like one hour wait lor... wait until gone case sia... but thing is, go there is wait to get referral letter to SGH only...
got referral letter, i still must persuade her to go to SGH somemore... coz of some problem that is personal between her and me, i shouldnt mention it. but anyway, arrive in SGH, the freaking map is like damn freaking useless. so off base... but in the end, ask here and there, managed to find our way... then in SGH kena pushed from one section to another. i mean, hey, we need to see a specialist and u give us a general practitioner first to determine the problem? oie... the problem is already figured out. only need to see specialist... not GP... coz the way SGH works is that i bring the patient to a GP first to determine the illness then i assess and submit to the correct specialist. thats like wasting resources in my view... but they work that way, no choice, got to follow.
done with everything in SGH already, then i bring her home lor... besides, she tired already and then tmr still got another appointment with the doctor... siao... i day cannot do all the checking meh?? haiz... ok lor, so i tmr also bring her there. siao liaoz... so late, i dunno whether i can wake up or not. aiya, anyway, enjoyed the time with her la. shes someone special to me, whether as a friend or a personal friend.
late already la.. and tmr cannot wake up one. sure late for her appointment. i go sleep already la. nite...
I messed this area @
02:03
02:03
basically, this post is to tell my friends how much i treasure them. these close friends: namely cheryl, jeffery, desmond and garrett... these friends help me through my toughest times and console me when im sad. its when im sad when they show how much they care for me. and when im down and out, its these friends i turn to and they help willingly. but best of all, they care by advising me on the right path. to stop deceiving myself into a false seclusion of smoke and alcohol.
no where in my entire life have i encountered such friendship. and such friendship is hard to find. and i am so glad that i have such people around me. as for the relationships, im taking it one step at a time and calculating each step as i go along. not an easy thing to do. and so is giving up on both. truth is, im not willing to give up on either. and thats my biggest fault.
coz today, L called me and we kinda talked for abt 2 hours. thats like freaking long considering im trying to treat her as a friend for now. and such things are like that. im trying to weigh my actions and seeing the consequences that will happen in future. and i just wish that somehow, there will be an easy way out of this mess that im in. i love S and L at the same time. but somehow thats impossible in everyone's view.
maybe with S, it could be sympathy love. coz shes not doing well in school and that im in the same state as her and feel the same way. and in a way, it makes me want to help her. im not sure myself. and with L, it could be that im guilty for letting her go in the first place and i want another chance to make things right. its so crazy for me now, and im trying my best to keep my head. literally...
o well, all in all, i just want these friends to know that i treasure them and that they will remain in my heart as true friends. friends that never ever give up on each other. thank you for your help... nite all...
no where in my entire life have i encountered such friendship. and such friendship is hard to find. and i am so glad that i have such people around me. as for the relationships, im taking it one step at a time and calculating each step as i go along. not an easy thing to do. and so is giving up on both. truth is, im not willing to give up on either. and thats my biggest fault.
coz today, L called me and we kinda talked for abt 2 hours. thats like freaking long considering im trying to treat her as a friend for now. and such things are like that. im trying to weigh my actions and seeing the consequences that will happen in future. and i just wish that somehow, there will be an easy way out of this mess that im in. i love S and L at the same time. but somehow thats impossible in everyone's view.
maybe with S, it could be sympathy love. coz shes not doing well in school and that im in the same state as her and feel the same way. and in a way, it makes me want to help her. im not sure myself. and with L, it could be that im guilty for letting her go in the first place and i want another chance to make things right. its so crazy for me now, and im trying my best to keep my head. literally...
o well, all in all, i just want these friends to know that i treasure them and that they will remain in my heart as true friends. friends that never ever give up on each other. thank you for your help... nite all...
I messed this area @
03:17
03:17
i really dont know what to do already... all day at work i was damn lethargic and felt like shit. body ache all over till i went out for a smoke. damn shit. its like becoming a habit already. and that i really cannot be bothered abt what happenes to me in the future. shit hell.
then later, i went home with L. then talk with her at her flat lobby. so talk and talk. then just ask her a question. whether she loves her current bf. she said yes. so what can i do? just leave her lor. i mean, i told her i dont wanna spoil her happiness and such. and that i told her if someone has to lose in the relationship, i rather it be me. and that i feel that i have tried my best and i cannot turn back time. i took out my ring and told her flatly, that when we bought the rings, it was a pair. and it will always remain a pair. then the most painful thing i had to do was walk away from her. damnit... i just feel so lost then. i lost in the game and then decided to walk in the middle of the freaking road, hoping for a car to run by and hit me. sheesh, real dumb when u think abt it, but i felt damn suicidal at that time. really wanted to die then.
so cannot die, took a cab back home and then decided to drink again. drank only 1 or 2 cans of beer. nothing much. but felt damn lousy. and then went home only, go into my room and laid down. keep thinking abt her and dunno wat to do. i felt so depressed then so decided to call my brother. (this guy is a friend that i got to know in MI and then we became very good friends. more than friends, hes the brother i never had.). he tried to help me out and told me to stop all this shit that i was getting in. basket. its like i feel that its my only way out already. dunno wat else to do except drink and forget. anyway, when i was talking to him halfway, guess who called. so she called and then i told him that i talk to him later and then i retrieved her call. basket, such things wont tell you abt what we talked. but anyway, we talked up to 4 am in the morning. so at least i know myself and what she wants better.
talk finish, story end already. so i cannot take it, then go sleep already. sleeping, smoking and drinking are my way out of this mess. just waiting for it to happen only. and death will just be another thing that happens to me. thats the way i feel. anyway, i feel very tired and i want to go sleep again. cya later.
then later, i went home with L. then talk with her at her flat lobby. so talk and talk. then just ask her a question. whether she loves her current bf. she said yes. so what can i do? just leave her lor. i mean, i told her i dont wanna spoil her happiness and such. and that i told her if someone has to lose in the relationship, i rather it be me. and that i feel that i have tried my best and i cannot turn back time. i took out my ring and told her flatly, that when we bought the rings, it was a pair. and it will always remain a pair. then the most painful thing i had to do was walk away from her. damnit... i just feel so lost then. i lost in the game and then decided to walk in the middle of the freaking road, hoping for a car to run by and hit me. sheesh, real dumb when u think abt it, but i felt damn suicidal at that time. really wanted to die then.
so cannot die, took a cab back home and then decided to drink again. drank only 1 or 2 cans of beer. nothing much. but felt damn lousy. and then went home only, go into my room and laid down. keep thinking abt her and dunno wat to do. i felt so depressed then so decided to call my brother. (this guy is a friend that i got to know in MI and then we became very good friends. more than friends, hes the brother i never had.). he tried to help me out and told me to stop all this shit that i was getting in. basket. its like i feel that its my only way out already. dunno wat else to do except drink and forget. anyway, when i was talking to him halfway, guess who called. so she called and then i told him that i talk to him later and then i retrieved her call. basket, such things wont tell you abt what we talked. but anyway, we talked up to 4 am in the morning. so at least i know myself and what she wants better.
talk finish, story end already. so i cannot take it, then go sleep already. sleeping, smoking and drinking are my way out of this mess. just waiting for it to happen only. and death will just be another thing that happens to me. thats the way i feel. anyway, i feel very tired and i want to go sleep again. cya later.
I messed this area @
10:06
10:06
shit happens. and today it was pure shit. haha, today was a public holiday, so damn freaking busy at the workplace. cannot believe it. go so many 'durians' fall all over the place and i picked up a few. lucky me...
today supposed to start work at 12 pm, so i tried to make it in before 12 la.. and best thing was, when i reached, the place was still locked! damn... so my colleague and me were like standing outside the shop and then both decided to go have a smoke. so i followed... anyway, whats a smoke now... since i've kinda given up all hope of living. smoke already, then shop still not yet open. basket... super sian...
anyway, shop open already, start work... work like shit for 2 hours before any sales came my way. shit la, leg stand until damn pain already. sell some microvault already, then start to get the ball rolling. wah, lagi best, the next customer was from yesterday i served like hell, then managed to close deal. super man... very happy already... but then, greedy also, so try some more to catch more sales. then i later damn lucky... got this guy call me over, ask me differences in the CD walkman.. say say a bit, then he say wanna buy one of them. then the fella next to him, just look at me and then point to one of the CD walkman and say he wants that one. WAH!!! my eyes open freaking big man! 2 deals drop on my head big time... haha, my colleague see already also face turn green. then also go past customers come back for other items... woohoo... im like on cloud nine. i closed another deal then when pack up shop that time, still got close another deal. wah... happy sia...
so anyway, today same old thing la, see her home then i slowly trudged home. im going crazy already. then also asked her on the bus whether she was willing to accept me back as her boyfriend if she could. she said needed some time. well, she can have all the time she wants. but im dying to know. and shes the only person i ever want really... i now see that it was her that i really feel for, despite all the differences we have. my life is so screwed. and i guess if i cant have her, im too hurt to even love again. coz my heart will always be hers.
its so complicated. and i really feel freaking stupid and suicidal... damnit.. getting those kind of feelings and thoughts again. real shit heap im in here. and freaking late. so im gonna sleep on my problems, again. most likely, cry myself to sleep. nite...
today supposed to start work at 12 pm, so i tried to make it in before 12 la.. and best thing was, when i reached, the place was still locked! damn... so my colleague and me were like standing outside the shop and then both decided to go have a smoke. so i followed... anyway, whats a smoke now... since i've kinda given up all hope of living. smoke already, then shop still not yet open. basket... super sian...
anyway, shop open already, start work... work like shit for 2 hours before any sales came my way. shit la, leg stand until damn pain already. sell some microvault already, then start to get the ball rolling. wah, lagi best, the next customer was from yesterday i served like hell, then managed to close deal. super man... very happy already... but then, greedy also, so try some more to catch more sales. then i later damn lucky... got this guy call me over, ask me differences in the CD walkman.. say say a bit, then he say wanna buy one of them. then the fella next to him, just look at me and then point to one of the CD walkman and say he wants that one. WAH!!! my eyes open freaking big man! 2 deals drop on my head big time... haha, my colleague see already also face turn green. then also go past customers come back for other items... woohoo... im like on cloud nine. i closed another deal then when pack up shop that time, still got close another deal. wah... happy sia...
so anyway, today same old thing la, see her home then i slowly trudged home. im going crazy already. then also asked her on the bus whether she was willing to accept me back as her boyfriend if she could. she said needed some time. well, she can have all the time she wants. but im dying to know. and shes the only person i ever want really... i now see that it was her that i really feel for, despite all the differences we have. my life is so screwed. and i guess if i cant have her, im too hurt to even love again. coz my heart will always be hers.
its so complicated. and i really feel freaking stupid and suicidal... damnit.. getting those kind of feelings and thoughts again. real shit heap im in here. and freaking late. so im gonna sleep on my problems, again. most likely, cry myself to sleep. nite...
I messed this area @
01:57
01:57
Haiz... same shit today. smoke the shit outta my life. its becoming a habit that i smoke already. o well, i guess i lost so much, losing a bit of my life isnt all that big a deal... feeling kinda suicidal right about now though...
i really cannot keep my mind of my problems and then having to tackle my job's problems. its getting so frustrating and messes my mind up like hell. and taking it one step at a time doesnt help at all. and damnit... today i thought i had the top sales. yea right... that was BEFORE my colleague darren has his regular client come in a take a plasma tv and a home theather set!!!!! damn him.. haha, just some friendly 'fights' we have at work. o well, i guess i should be happy with what i have made already. considering i only had a 2 week work experience from 6 months ago.
anyway, today after work, i accompanied L to the hospital. something was wrong with her la. dun ask me, coz thats personal. but i kinda have to let her know how much i cared for her to let me know what was wrong. and shit, medical bill so freaking expensive, but then i still pay coz simply put, even if it cost the world, i will pay up for who i love. and i will go through everything just to make sure that she is happy and well. sounds drastic, but thats me. for whoever i love, i will sacrifice my all.
ahh shit, its freaking late already and work is there tomorrow. lucky tomorrow start work at 12pm... nite all...
i really cannot keep my mind of my problems and then having to tackle my job's problems. its getting so frustrating and messes my mind up like hell. and taking it one step at a time doesnt help at all. and damnit... today i thought i had the top sales. yea right... that was BEFORE my colleague darren has his regular client come in a take a plasma tv and a home theather set!!!!! damn him.. haha, just some friendly 'fights' we have at work. o well, i guess i should be happy with what i have made already. considering i only had a 2 week work experience from 6 months ago.
anyway, today after work, i accompanied L to the hospital. something was wrong with her la. dun ask me, coz thats personal. but i kinda have to let her know how much i cared for her to let me know what was wrong. and shit, medical bill so freaking expensive, but then i still pay coz simply put, even if it cost the world, i will pay up for who i love. and i will go through everything just to make sure that she is happy and well. sounds drastic, but thats me. for whoever i love, i will sacrifice my all.
ahh shit, its freaking late already and work is there tomorrow. lucky tomorrow start work at 12pm... nite all...
I messed this area @
01:13
01:13
today wasnt a good day for sales, but then, it was a good day for understanding my colleagues more... seems weird huh?? but then, its real.
this guy is my colleague and he looks like those kinda ah bengs you find in Sim Lim Square and his attitude is really different. not that its bad, its just different. i found out that hes more straightforward rather than trying to act smart all the time... there you go for people like me to judge people by their looks.
anyway, today didnt have much sales, so time passed damn slowly. and its real torturous... try standing for 10 hours a day for 6 days in a row and see how many yuks you have. thats gonna be a real pain. and its real pain that your legs are feeling. but anyway, my past love from my workplace is finally getting on good terms. its just that i kinda am afraid to talk to her. well, we had many a good time together and maybe it was a mistake to let her go. i dunno. its real confusing here, but either way, now im torn between 2 loves. one is S, the other is her. so lets call her L. i just dont know what to do. its not that i really can make a choice now. and that i kinda decided a while back that i shouldnt even decide on having a relationship or marrying for that matter when i cant even take care of myself. its some self psychoing for you guys out there who dont wanna marry. but now, im trying to keep that frame of mind, not to mention my sanity. i think im really going crazy and all that jazz, but then, im stuggling with keeping my mind in one piece. freaking hard thing to do when you are bombarded with all these problems.
sometimes i think my only way out is death. but then, thats like a bit over-reacting. of course, thats a sin and all that, coz im a christian. so much for faith... o well, its just that the stresses in life will eventually catch up with you and then consume you. i dont really wanna make things so hard for myself. and i try to believe that whats over is over and that i should just look forward in life. and currently, i love S, but then, L is there and i still care for her.
its so problematic. i guess i'll just sleep on it just like i sleep on the rest of my problems. no choice there. and besides, its late already and work is beckoning tomorrow. shit... o well, i'll blog another day then. see ya...
this guy is my colleague and he looks like those kinda ah bengs you find in Sim Lim Square and his attitude is really different. not that its bad, its just different. i found out that hes more straightforward rather than trying to act smart all the time... there you go for people like me to judge people by their looks.
anyway, today didnt have much sales, so time passed damn slowly. and its real torturous... try standing for 10 hours a day for 6 days in a row and see how many yuks you have. thats gonna be a real pain. and its real pain that your legs are feeling. but anyway, my past love from my workplace is finally getting on good terms. its just that i kinda am afraid to talk to her. well, we had many a good time together and maybe it was a mistake to let her go. i dunno. its real confusing here, but either way, now im torn between 2 loves. one is S, the other is her. so lets call her L. i just dont know what to do. its not that i really can make a choice now. and that i kinda decided a while back that i shouldnt even decide on having a relationship or marrying for that matter when i cant even take care of myself. its some self psychoing for you guys out there who dont wanna marry. but now, im trying to keep that frame of mind, not to mention my sanity. i think im really going crazy and all that jazz, but then, im stuggling with keeping my mind in one piece. freaking hard thing to do when you are bombarded with all these problems.
sometimes i think my only way out is death. but then, thats like a bit over-reacting. of course, thats a sin and all that, coz im a christian. so much for faith... o well, its just that the stresses in life will eventually catch up with you and then consume you. i dont really wanna make things so hard for myself. and i try to believe that whats over is over and that i should just look forward in life. and currently, i love S, but then, L is there and i still care for her.
its so problematic. i guess i'll just sleep on it just like i sleep on the rest of my problems. no choice there. and besides, its late already and work is beckoning tomorrow. shit... o well, i'll blog another day then. see ya...
I messed this area @
23:50
23:50
sianz.. another day at work come and gone. haha, lucky today made the right decisions and closed quite a few deals. luck is always a part of sales, so i guess i was lucky today.
but damn, always feel freaking sad whenever im at work.
dunno what is wrong with me. sometimes i think that i may be going crazy and that i should go die... beats the shit out of me why my thinking has turned so negative. maybe its because of all the things that has went wrong in my life and that its accumalated to a point that i feel too stressed out. whats more, i let my boss down by telling her that i may not be able to work the full month. shit, had to lie to her, but what choice do i have? tell her that the pressure is too great for me? thats the same as telling her that i cannot take stress. shit, freaking weak attitude that i have. but anyway, all i want to do is try to live through the whole month. that is if the cigarrettes and the liquor doesnt kill me first. started that shit all over again and feel damn lousy.
i dunno what is going on within me. i just feel so messed up and resorted to smoking to relieve stress. what others say, i think its silly. but then, the smoke really destresses you in a way. how, i dont know. but then it just feels so relaxed after the cig... damnit... here i go again... always thinking abt dying in the end. my thoughts has turned into such negativity and its making me so goth... thinking in black and white all the time. basket.. seems like all the colour has drained from me. o well, its not that i can do anything about it except quit from the job currently. i think its coz i have too much memories within the place and the people itself. dont bother to ask, coz i wont tell it. thats one of the many things that i keep to myself. i guess when things do not need to be known, i wont tell them. part of my nature which i believe in a need to know basis.
well, its late already and i still gotta work tomorrow. still need to show my face at work for a minimum of 7 days. trying to hang in there for the whole month if i can. all i can say is, i try. and i hope that the determination is there to support me through. nitez...
but damn, always feel freaking sad whenever im at work.
dunno what is wrong with me. sometimes i think that i may be going crazy and that i should go die... beats the shit out of me why my thinking has turned so negative. maybe its because of all the things that has went wrong in my life and that its accumalated to a point that i feel too stressed out. whats more, i let my boss down by telling her that i may not be able to work the full month. shit, had to lie to her, but what choice do i have? tell her that the pressure is too great for me? thats the same as telling her that i cannot take stress. shit, freaking weak attitude that i have. but anyway, all i want to do is try to live through the whole month. that is if the cigarrettes and the liquor doesnt kill me first. started that shit all over again and feel damn lousy.
i dunno what is going on within me. i just feel so messed up and resorted to smoking to relieve stress. what others say, i think its silly. but then, the smoke really destresses you in a way. how, i dont know. but then it just feels so relaxed after the cig... damnit... here i go again... always thinking abt dying in the end. my thoughts has turned into such negativity and its making me so goth... thinking in black and white all the time. basket.. seems like all the colour has drained from me. o well, its not that i can do anything about it except quit from the job currently. i think its coz i have too much memories within the place and the people itself. dont bother to ask, coz i wont tell it. thats one of the many things that i keep to myself. i guess when things do not need to be known, i wont tell them. part of my nature which i believe in a need to know basis.
well, its late already and i still gotta work tomorrow. still need to show my face at work for a minimum of 7 days. trying to hang in there for the whole month if i can. all i can say is, i try. and i hope that the determination is there to support me through. nitez...
I messed this area @
01:15
01:15
basket... today damn weird... got highs and lows... heng tmr my off day, otherwise oso wont blog for another few days... too bad la... work sales is like that one. stand whole day, lucky to sell anything on a weekday. at least today still got some sales. ok, maybe not some, but got few products can move lor.
started out in the morning at 8.20am... see time already, went ' SIAO LIAO!!' sure late... coz i kinda slow moving in the morning mah... then lucky reach work at 9.49am... clock in 11 mins before counted as late... damn heng... haha, first day of work, i clock in at 9.05am, second day is 9.38, third day is 9.42 and today is 9.49... see the trend?? haha, one day sure pia late one.. bo bian, its my habit... anyway, got to work still on time, then after a while, got customer and then managed to sell a handycam. Woohoo! scraped up abt 2.5K worth of sales already... haha...
then the damn thing happened... some f*cking ang moh, think he so great coz he customer, come in big shot and ask for a wireless card for his clie... i used to sell clie la, its sony PDA.. but then sony pull out of the PDA market liao ( stop production ), so wireless card naturally cannot get la.. accessories damn limited now. so tell him its discontinued, he make freaking big hoohaa, say dun smile at him say cannot get him the card. I happen to believe in service with a smile can?? wtf, so ok la, i say i try, then the bastard say 'TRY? You are SONY!!! DONT TELL ME YOU TRY. DO IT!'... then later say want our names to create a complaint letter... CASE oso hear ur case, think you gone case... like hell man, its gonna be a damn miracle if i can get u a brand new one... its the same theory if u work in a bank and now i wanna open an account with the interest rate that was 6 years before! cannot be done!! dont understand? need sign language?? take this... f*** you... you want brand new wireless lan adapater for ur clie?? go marina bay fly kite...
tell you chao ang mohs one thing, i dont suck up to you just coz ur skin white, dick white or pocket fat. ur equal to asians in everything. and ur attitude, is far more obnoxious than wat asians can produce. so screw you.
then lagi later oso be delivery boy send home theater systems coz ppl sign some kinda insurance shit got free gift.. wah lau, i alone deliver to the carpark one set for three times... siao sia... damn heavy... cool down already, kena 'tortured' by my colleagues to peel 5mm X 10mm double sided tapes. siao eh, how to peel... so small, my fingers so big. but anyhow, can-do attitude, so do lor... wah, change of luck when shop close... got one customer come in ask to buy SE P910i... happy sell lor.. piang, its $1438 man... sell it, i make commission... haha... greedy...
buay tahan sia, those kinda chao ang moh... meet them, dun bother to screw them... not worth the shit... some ppl liddat one... so dun care lor... haha... learn to take it in ur stride and do wat u can. cannot please everyone you meet... so bo bian.
o well, damn late already... so nittie...
started out in the morning at 8.20am... see time already, went ' SIAO LIAO!!' sure late... coz i kinda slow moving in the morning mah... then lucky reach work at 9.49am... clock in 11 mins before counted as late... damn heng... haha, first day of work, i clock in at 9.05am, second day is 9.38, third day is 9.42 and today is 9.49... see the trend?? haha, one day sure pia late one.. bo bian, its my habit... anyway, got to work still on time, then after a while, got customer and then managed to sell a handycam. Woohoo! scraped up abt 2.5K worth of sales already... haha...
then the damn thing happened... some f*cking ang moh, think he so great coz he customer, come in big shot and ask for a wireless card for his clie... i used to sell clie la, its sony PDA.. but then sony pull out of the PDA market liao ( stop production ), so wireless card naturally cannot get la.. accessories damn limited now. so tell him its discontinued, he make freaking big hoohaa, say dun smile at him say cannot get him the card. I happen to believe in service with a smile can?? wtf, so ok la, i say i try, then the bastard say 'TRY? You are SONY!!! DONT TELL ME YOU TRY. DO IT!'... then later say want our names to create a complaint letter... CASE oso hear ur case, think you gone case... like hell man, its gonna be a damn miracle if i can get u a brand new one... its the same theory if u work in a bank and now i wanna open an account with the interest rate that was 6 years before! cannot be done!! dont understand? need sign language?? take this... f*** you... you want brand new wireless lan adapater for ur clie?? go marina bay fly kite...
tell you chao ang mohs one thing, i dont suck up to you just coz ur skin white, dick white or pocket fat. ur equal to asians in everything. and ur attitude, is far more obnoxious than wat asians can produce. so screw you.
then lagi later oso be delivery boy send home theater systems coz ppl sign some kinda insurance shit got free gift.. wah lau, i alone deliver to the carpark one set for three times... siao sia... damn heavy... cool down already, kena 'tortured' by my colleagues to peel 5mm X 10mm double sided tapes. siao eh, how to peel... so small, my fingers so big. but anyhow, can-do attitude, so do lor... wah, change of luck when shop close... got one customer come in ask to buy SE P910i... happy sell lor.. piang, its $1438 man... sell it, i make commission... haha... greedy...
buay tahan sia, those kinda chao ang moh... meet them, dun bother to screw them... not worth the shit... some ppl liddat one... so dun care lor... haha... learn to take it in ur stride and do wat u can. cannot please everyone you meet... so bo bian.
o well, damn late already... so nittie...
I messed this area @
01:55
01:55
haiz... long time never blog already... coz i currently back at my old job lor. so stressed. haha... cannot sell is liddat one. no choice, gotta perform for the boss to see my work. but then oso quite suay... so many lobang oso neva get... siao liao... one day sell only less than $200 worth of products... wah piang...
then oso todae damn weird. dunno y leh, but suddenly feel damn depressed suddenly.. beats the shit outta me why liddat. but then kept thinking abt her. for those who dunno, then dunned to know... i kinda thought about how to care for her and then thought that i couldnt even care for myself in the first place, so how can i care for her? dammit... i just feel so lousy today... then somemore new guy came in today and i had to teach him the stuff... wah lao... i just came back, mind oso freaking empty, teach wat shit to him?? skarly teach him wrong stuff siao liao... then promos all over the place, so damn messy... but finally got my wish. boss may allow me to sell laptop liao... hahaha, can make a killing... and then somemore lagi good for me... easy money... and computers i like, sure easier to sell than handycameras or handphones for that matter... o well, i just hope that this special person can think for herself more wisely and just make it back to school. and if i had a second chance, i will tell her i love her with my whole heart... too bad i didnt tell her when i had all those chances.
o well, damn late already and then tmr still gotta report for work at 10am... siao... so gotta sleep already... nitez...
then oso todae damn weird. dunno y leh, but suddenly feel damn depressed suddenly.. beats the shit outta me why liddat. but then kept thinking abt her. for those who dunno, then dunned to know... i kinda thought about how to care for her and then thought that i couldnt even care for myself in the first place, so how can i care for her? dammit... i just feel so lousy today... then somemore new guy came in today and i had to teach him the stuff... wah lao... i just came back, mind oso freaking empty, teach wat shit to him?? skarly teach him wrong stuff siao liao... then promos all over the place, so damn messy... but finally got my wish. boss may allow me to sell laptop liao... hahaha, can make a killing... and then somemore lagi good for me... easy money... and computers i like, sure easier to sell than handycameras or handphones for that matter... o well, i just hope that this special person can think for herself more wisely and just make it back to school. and if i had a second chance, i will tell her i love her with my whole heart... too bad i didnt tell her when i had all those chances.
o well, damn late already and then tmr still gotta report for work at 10am... siao... so gotta sleep already... nitez...
I messed this area @
01:11
01:11