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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
im feeling like crap now... my sides ache, and they ache badly. most probably from my consistent coughing and retching. theres a 'small' amount of blood, but nothing too 'serious'. papercuts dont clot, they continue bleeding for another hour or so. my lips crack occasionally and bleed too, and they dont stop. i wonder if im really knocking off, entirely. well, a life come and gone, dont really matter. i dont know how long i can keep it hidden, but i'll try. this is the only spot i can run to. people around me sense something already... wonder when they will catch on. during the checkup, the doctor was worried that the current way im going, smoking and stressed out and all, i might suffer from multiple internal infections, whatever the hell that is. im not too worried was my reply. whatever happens, happens. but i did say that im cutting down on the ciggs, or at least im making an effort to.
well, at least from what the doctor told me, im making progress if somewhat slow. exact words were, pity i dont really know how to follow doctor's orders and keep it light on the work. i just can only say that i wish i knew how to. but i dont. yes, i know i can make faster progress if i take the medication regularly, but sometimes, im so strapped for time that i just forget. i dont even have the time to eat lunch sometimes.
i just dont know how long my system can take this abuse. my mind is in a complete mess, only knowing how to think and worry about work, wondering what has to be completed the next day and such. im just so tied down. i cant bear to just drop everything and go off for the day to relax. its just not me at all. boss has talked to me, he knows... he tells me to take the time off. nothing is worth a life was his point. true, but when it comes down to it, im getting better slowly right? so, i can still work. he isnt letting up on the idea anyway. he seriously wants me to take a week off, even having me paid for doing nothing. shit.
thats no way to do things. i tell him to strike a compromise with me... i dont believe in getting paid to do nothing. he made me agree to hold off the punishing hours. meaning, when he leaves, i leave together with him. damn... usually, he leaves around 7 odd 8 odd... well, at least i can still squeeze in some time here and there. and the killer from boss was, NO NETWORKING OF WORK TO HOME. damn hell, he knows me too well. essentially meaning work stays at work, and i stay at home resting after work. argh... and if that isnt bad enough, to kill all workaholics around the world, no going back to work on weekends. take a break. code of honour, none to be broken. i think i'll try to bargain for saturday to be open to me... doubt it will go through anyway. boss knows the full story, and he is the only one that knows how bad it is. im not telling others. no point. figure if i kick the bucket, they'll see it in the obituaries.
damn, this is going to be hard on me. i know it is going to be hard. i cant stand having my hands empty of work since that is what i have been living off for so long. shit. well, work beckons tomorrow.
well, at least from what the doctor told me, im making progress if somewhat slow. exact words were, pity i dont really know how to follow doctor's orders and keep it light on the work. i just can only say that i wish i knew how to. but i dont. yes, i know i can make faster progress if i take the medication regularly, but sometimes, im so strapped for time that i just forget. i dont even have the time to eat lunch sometimes.
i just dont know how long my system can take this abuse. my mind is in a complete mess, only knowing how to think and worry about work, wondering what has to be completed the next day and such. im just so tied down. i cant bear to just drop everything and go off for the day to relax. its just not me at all. boss has talked to me, he knows... he tells me to take the time off. nothing is worth a life was his point. true, but when it comes down to it, im getting better slowly right? so, i can still work. he isnt letting up on the idea anyway. he seriously wants me to take a week off, even having me paid for doing nothing. shit.
thats no way to do things. i tell him to strike a compromise with me... i dont believe in getting paid to do nothing. he made me agree to hold off the punishing hours. meaning, when he leaves, i leave together with him. damn... usually, he leaves around 7 odd 8 odd... well, at least i can still squeeze in some time here and there. and the killer from boss was, NO NETWORKING OF WORK TO HOME. damn hell, he knows me too well. essentially meaning work stays at work, and i stay at home resting after work. argh... and if that isnt bad enough, to kill all workaholics around the world, no going back to work on weekends. take a break. code of honour, none to be broken. i think i'll try to bargain for saturday to be open to me... doubt it will go through anyway. boss knows the full story, and he is the only one that knows how bad it is. im not telling others. no point. figure if i kick the bucket, they'll see it in the obituaries.
damn, this is going to be hard on me. i know it is going to be hard. i cant stand having my hands empty of work since that is what i have been living off for so long. shit. well, work beckons tomorrow.
I messed this area @
23:18
23:18