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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
i remember a story. a true story told to me by a good person.
the heart consists of a garden created by God, tended by God, cared by God and put in us in very good condition. there are 4 pathways to the heart. but humans are such creatures that they do not care for the garden all that well. in the 4 pathways, they seek to find various means to block the path so that God will have less control of how the garden grows. the four elements come into play. stone, earth, wood and fire.
- fire creates a storm within the heart and draws God away.
- wood creates a blockade so that nothing can pass in.
- earth(thorns) creates pain and thusly puts the person in pain.
- stone creates a blockade so that nothing can flow either in or out.
now there is something. out of this four, one relates to me. Stone. yes, i rolled a stone within my heart to stop anything from going in and out. i was betrayed once, twice and thrice. i had given up hope on everyone, everything, including God. what was told was that if i did not roll this stone away, no new fruit would blossom within the garden. and i would continuosly feed on the "food" within the heart till it is finished. the food, of course, would be God's love, his fruit within all humans. and when all the food is used up, there comes death. not physically, but spiritually.
this friend had cautioned me to roll the stone away as soon as possible as there would be serious consequences. but i had not. and now, im dead spiritually. well, shit happens. i know my mistake now. the lightning has strucked, and i was caught in it. the boulder has not moved an inch, but i finally understand. i understand what and why and how it happened. and make note. the boulder will never move. not anymore. i have given up altogether. what was my last hope, i had thrown away. i refuse to be helped anymore.
i am not dead physically, but spiritually. the heart has withered and died. it is cold now. i had not acted fast enough in reference to God's word, and it is me who suffers. i am stupid for not listening to caution. it is my fault and i accept it with grace. i cannot change the past, and i doubt that others will allow me to change what has happened. what is done is done. even if i had the chance to change the past, i think i will leave it as it is. not that i dont care, but more of the fact that i do not want to bog another person down with me.
To this friend, thank you. thank you for telling me and cautioning me. my apologies for not listening to you. but i will be fine. i will learn. and i would not give up. the heart is dead and charred, but the resolve still isn't gone. i stand alone already. and i will not back down.
the heart consists of a garden created by God, tended by God, cared by God and put in us in very good condition. there are 4 pathways to the heart. but humans are such creatures that they do not care for the garden all that well. in the 4 pathways, they seek to find various means to block the path so that God will have less control of how the garden grows. the four elements come into play. stone, earth, wood and fire.
- fire creates a storm within the heart and draws God away.
- wood creates a blockade so that nothing can pass in.
- earth(thorns) creates pain and thusly puts the person in pain.
- stone creates a blockade so that nothing can flow either in or out.
now there is something. out of this four, one relates to me. Stone. yes, i rolled a stone within my heart to stop anything from going in and out. i was betrayed once, twice and thrice. i had given up hope on everyone, everything, including God. what was told was that if i did not roll this stone away, no new fruit would blossom within the garden. and i would continuosly feed on the "food" within the heart till it is finished. the food, of course, would be God's love, his fruit within all humans. and when all the food is used up, there comes death. not physically, but spiritually.
this friend had cautioned me to roll the stone away as soon as possible as there would be serious consequences. but i had not. and now, im dead spiritually. well, shit happens. i know my mistake now. the lightning has strucked, and i was caught in it. the boulder has not moved an inch, but i finally understand. i understand what and why and how it happened. and make note. the boulder will never move. not anymore. i have given up altogether. what was my last hope, i had thrown away. i refuse to be helped anymore.
i am not dead physically, but spiritually. the heart has withered and died. it is cold now. i had not acted fast enough in reference to God's word, and it is me who suffers. i am stupid for not listening to caution. it is my fault and i accept it with grace. i cannot change the past, and i doubt that others will allow me to change what has happened. what is done is done. even if i had the chance to change the past, i think i will leave it as it is. not that i dont care, but more of the fact that i do not want to bog another person down with me.
To this friend, thank you. thank you for telling me and cautioning me. my apologies for not listening to you. but i will be fine. i will learn. and i would not give up. the heart is dead and charred, but the resolve still isn't gone. i stand alone already. and i will not back down.
I messed this area @
01:15
01:15