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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
i moved on? you think i moved on. truth is, i havent. and i wont. not that i harbour feelings, who doesnt? i change whatever strength i have left into determination to make my future better. do i look like i have a choice? even if i had a choice, smarts tells me to move, not because i do not love you. i love you too much and that is why i have to let you go. paradoxical. you have a bright future, unlike me. go and study and make good what fortune comes your way. only thing now is, i say what i know is right, but what i feel, is entirely different. im hurting inside, knife wounds deep within me. im just covering another pothole in the ground with sand. thats all i am doing.
i harden myself. i make myself stronger from within, that i disallow others from doing the same. i choose to believe in myself and my maker. i will stand in front of Him on day, whether to his favour or contempt, and face judgement for my actions in this world. i may not do things that is right, but i stand firm in what i have done and i do not deny.
my actions are always my facade to what i really feel. i put up false fronts, in terms of your relevance to me, and i show you what i am not. i am who i am, what i am, when i am. i make myself who i want to be in your presence. but when i am alone, my true self is dominant. no one knows who i am really. i change so often, sometimes even i am confused. alas, i figured it out. and i know who i am. i know what i am. and i know what i am capable of. that is all that matters to me.
life is what we choose to make it out to be. i make mine accordingly so. detrimental effect? maybe. sometimes, the thing i fear most is that i would need protection from myself. my mind can burn at lightning fast speeds, and yet not crash in on me, yet. i rationalize fast, and i analyse fast. maybe that is good, maybe that is bad. people often derive from that fact of thinking faster than the normal rate results in snap decisions. well.
i know what i have to do. i know what i need to do. and most importantly, with my 'luggage' that i carry, i am, in every sense, determined to push and make it come to life. i may turn into a monster than i would not recognise 10 years from now. let it be so then. i had my chances, i threw them away. yet i choose not to let go, but rather, i choose to harden myself and to spur myself on by such unconventional methods. its worked a couple of times before, and i dont see it failing on me.
i harden myself. i make myself stronger from within, that i disallow others from doing the same. i choose to believe in myself and my maker. i will stand in front of Him on day, whether to his favour or contempt, and face judgement for my actions in this world. i may not do things that is right, but i stand firm in what i have done and i do not deny.
my actions are always my facade to what i really feel. i put up false fronts, in terms of your relevance to me, and i show you what i am not. i am who i am, what i am, when i am. i make myself who i want to be in your presence. but when i am alone, my true self is dominant. no one knows who i am really. i change so often, sometimes even i am confused. alas, i figured it out. and i know who i am. i know what i am. and i know what i am capable of. that is all that matters to me.
life is what we choose to make it out to be. i make mine accordingly so. detrimental effect? maybe. sometimes, the thing i fear most is that i would need protection from myself. my mind can burn at lightning fast speeds, and yet not crash in on me, yet. i rationalize fast, and i analyse fast. maybe that is good, maybe that is bad. people often derive from that fact of thinking faster than the normal rate results in snap decisions. well.
i know what i have to do. i know what i need to do. and most importantly, with my 'luggage' that i carry, i am, in every sense, determined to push and make it come to life. i may turn into a monster than i would not recognise 10 years from now. let it be so then. i had my chances, i threw them away. yet i choose not to let go, but rather, i choose to harden myself and to spur myself on by such unconventional methods. its worked a couple of times before, and i dont see it failing on me.
I messed this area @
03:55
03:55