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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
i guess i'm still weak at heart. i just need to feel numb to cancel out all the pain. im tired. i need rest. i need time alone. i want to find solace. to find peace. and to forget every little damn thing that has happened in the past week. dying isnt gonna help, but right now, i got a damn big ass headache that is killing me, literally. i need panadols. no, im gonna gonna overdose to make myself numb already. i done research before popping those in. 10 is not lethal, it just will make you numb. now 50, is lethal. that was my aim yesterday. to feel numb. today is to ease the pain. im taking 2. i just need sleep. time will heal all wounds, but will it heal the wounds you inflicted on me? i hope so. im goddamn praying that it will. cos to me, you are still a friend who means something in my heart. the buck stops there and ends.
if i die now, im not a human anymore. i want to live my life, to make sure i see my mom through old age. after that, then i guess its time for me to go. we'll see how then. my sis will be able to take care of herself. i guess im only more or less living to see my mom thru. i dont like the future. it holds no meaning for me. i guess that marraige is out of the question. i dont like to be tied down and made to do everything cos its a man's job. and besides, why hurt others too?
you think its me that makes you drop out of school? its you. wake up to reality. i have no control over your future. its you that has control. you chose to let it affect you. i didnt fuck your life upside down. you fucked it upside down. im fucking my life. cos its mine. i choose to do what i want with it.
everytime we talk to each other, somehow somewhere something fucks up. it makes us feel bad at each other. its not anything. its just that you choose not to listen, and same goes for me. i choose not to listen too. be receptive... im trying to be receptive here. thats why i already said, i know i overstepped the mark. i freely admit to my mistakes if i have done wrong. i fear nothing to admit to my mistakes, even if it will cost me my job. i dont want to lie to others, i dont want others to lie to me either.
im not a complex person. im just a fool that you require some thinking to understand. thats all. im not some crazy demented asshole out to ruin the world before im happy. im happy with what i have. and im glad. i appreciate them. i dont want things to happen to others cos of me. but i see it this way, if im making the problems, then i will take myself out of the picture and problem should be solved. it doesnt mean my death, it just means that i withdraw myself from everything. me taking the blame is cos, well, the blame is solely mine. i caused such a thing to happen. i feel bad abt it, and i want to make things right again. but making things right isnt so easy after all.
its not going back to the old ways. its making a new path from the rocks ahead of me. if i go back to the old ways, it just means that i am lying to myself again. i need to run ahead to see the dangers ahead. i have to. its a race against time. i need to know the future to plan for it. otherwise, i will just sink in and be sallowed up. someone once said, intelligence and operative techniques are the what leads to successive stories. luck plays a part too, but a minor one. without intelligence, i cannot make my operative moves. and i have to depend on luck, too much. i need intelligence to make the proper moves. and suicide is out of the picture. its not in the decks cos i threw it out of the window last night thinking the problem over.
if i die now, im not a human anymore. i want to live my life, to make sure i see my mom through old age. after that, then i guess its time for me to go. we'll see how then. my sis will be able to take care of herself. i guess im only more or less living to see my mom thru. i dont like the future. it holds no meaning for me. i guess that marraige is out of the question. i dont like to be tied down and made to do everything cos its a man's job. and besides, why hurt others too?
you think its me that makes you drop out of school? its you. wake up to reality. i have no control over your future. its you that has control. you chose to let it affect you. i didnt fuck your life upside down. you fucked it upside down. im fucking my life. cos its mine. i choose to do what i want with it.
everytime we talk to each other, somehow somewhere something fucks up. it makes us feel bad at each other. its not anything. its just that you choose not to listen, and same goes for me. i choose not to listen too. be receptive... im trying to be receptive here. thats why i already said, i know i overstepped the mark. i freely admit to my mistakes if i have done wrong. i fear nothing to admit to my mistakes, even if it will cost me my job. i dont want to lie to others, i dont want others to lie to me either.
im not a complex person. im just a fool that you require some thinking to understand. thats all. im not some crazy demented asshole out to ruin the world before im happy. im happy with what i have. and im glad. i appreciate them. i dont want things to happen to others cos of me. but i see it this way, if im making the problems, then i will take myself out of the picture and problem should be solved. it doesnt mean my death, it just means that i withdraw myself from everything. me taking the blame is cos, well, the blame is solely mine. i caused such a thing to happen. i feel bad abt it, and i want to make things right again. but making things right isnt so easy after all.
its not going back to the old ways. its making a new path from the rocks ahead of me. if i go back to the old ways, it just means that i am lying to myself again. i need to run ahead to see the dangers ahead. i have to. its a race against time. i need to know the future to plan for it. otherwise, i will just sink in and be sallowed up. someone once said, intelligence and operative techniques are the what leads to successive stories. luck plays a part too, but a minor one. without intelligence, i cannot make my operative moves. and i have to depend on luck, too much. i need intelligence to make the proper moves. and suicide is out of the picture. its not in the decks cos i threw it out of the window last night thinking the problem over.
I messed this area @
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