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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
my mom is going away for a holiday~!~! yeah... =) i get the whole house to myself for 3 whole weeks... =D cant beat that. haha. its, well, freedom? not really. but since the house is gonna be empty, i can do whatever i want. like sleeping naked? walking arnd the house in my birthday suit? wahahaha... i dont care. i got the whole house, and its all mine... haha... =)
my driving today sucks. speeding but what do i care? i need release from all these shit. i wasnt concentrating on the road or in the circuit either. my steering was crazy and unpredictable. movement wise was not smooth. the car stalled and it had a lot of problems today. but lucky no kerb hitting. maybe that will happen soon if my thoughts get more out of hand. then im apt to knock some frail lady down while she is crossing the road with her having the right of way. damnnit.
listen up, im not being an asshole. i pretend to be one so that you can give up on me. i have to be. you have to give up. i know that i care for you, but i cant bring myself to love anymore. i love freedom instead. i love singlehood. i love a lot of things that only i can do alone. im better off being like that than being tied down. im a free bird, choosing where my heart leads me to. what you said, giving in to me for everything, you can never give in fully. its called conditional love. parents, otherwise, give unconditional love, where you do everything possible to make them pissed but they dont ever give up. i want to go back, but i cant bring myself to. cos im messed up, fucked up, all the shit you can find in the books. i wun make a good spouse nor husband. leave it at that. my heart lies with someone, but of whom i want to be a friend. nothing more. i want everyone i meet to be a friend, no strings attached. i have no more reason to love. i cannot find it within me anymore. im a bastard, yea i know it. well, inclination wise, im more towards Joce-lyn. im sorry. thats who i am, what i am. and why? i dont know. i dont care. but i cannot love anymore for i fear to hurt others. im afraid of hurting others. i smoke, i drink, i swear. im an asshole at this. beat that. you, nor anyone else in the world and i figure Joce-lyn too, can accept that of me that i am apt to be doing such things. no one can. only my mom and sis can. these are the only two people, and i trust them. i trust no one else. until the day i can trust and love again... i dont want you to hope in me. i have no hope in myself either.
"may that be never, for fear is the greatest thing man has ever come against."
'I've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me
of you
baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love
the days go on and on and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it
should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone
I've been driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to go
ya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one I know
this is torture - this is pain - it feels like I'm gonna go
insane
I hope you're coming back real soon -cuz I don't know what
to do
'
my driving today sucks. speeding but what do i care? i need release from all these shit. i wasnt concentrating on the road or in the circuit either. my steering was crazy and unpredictable. movement wise was not smooth. the car stalled and it had a lot of problems today. but lucky no kerb hitting. maybe that will happen soon if my thoughts get more out of hand. then im apt to knock some frail lady down while she is crossing the road with her having the right of way. damnnit.
listen up, im not being an asshole. i pretend to be one so that you can give up on me. i have to be. you have to give up. i know that i care for you, but i cant bring myself to love anymore. i love freedom instead. i love singlehood. i love a lot of things that only i can do alone. im better off being like that than being tied down. im a free bird, choosing where my heart leads me to. what you said, giving in to me for everything, you can never give in fully. its called conditional love. parents, otherwise, give unconditional love, where you do everything possible to make them pissed but they dont ever give up. i want to go back, but i cant bring myself to. cos im messed up, fucked up, all the shit you can find in the books. i wun make a good spouse nor husband. leave it at that. my heart lies with someone, but of whom i want to be a friend. nothing more. i want everyone i meet to be a friend, no strings attached. i have no more reason to love. i cannot find it within me anymore. im a bastard, yea i know it. well, inclination wise, im more towards Joce-lyn. im sorry. thats who i am, what i am. and why? i dont know. i dont care. but i cannot love anymore for i fear to hurt others. im afraid of hurting others. i smoke, i drink, i swear. im an asshole at this. beat that. you, nor anyone else in the world and i figure Joce-lyn too, can accept that of me that i am apt to be doing such things. no one can. only my mom and sis can. these are the only two people, and i trust them. i trust no one else. until the day i can trust and love again... i dont want you to hope in me. i have no hope in myself either.
"may that be never, for fear is the greatest thing man has ever come against."
'I've been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home
I'm tired of being all alone
got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me
of you
baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love
the days go on and on and the nights just seem so long
even food don't taste that good - drink ain't doing what it
should
things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone
I've been driving up and down these streets
trying to find somewhere to go
ya i'm lookin' for a familiar face but there's no one I know
this is torture - this is pain - it feels like I'm gonna go
insane
I hope you're coming back real soon -cuz I don't know what
to do
'
I messed this area @
01:10
01:10