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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
i've been crying these few days. close to it actually. the tears well but would not fall. so many complications, so many problems. i created it all for myself. damnit. i wish i can end my life. i want to so badly. i have given up everything, literally. i have no life, no emotions, nor feelings within me already. i crave the sense of pain, the feeling of concentrated agony. to escape this life, to escape all.
what im doing is hurting a lot of people. im sorry to those i've hurt. in the event that i may not wake up the following day, who knows right? this i have to say. i love too many, but ethics concur that i can only have one. i could have made a decision at making my life right again. and in retrospect, i could have made it a more screwed up place to live in. which is which? im lost totally. im soft hearted. im just a teddy bear behind a stern face. why why why...
why must all these happen to me? i just dont know. mom, if you read this one day, you'll know what your son is like. he never was a good boy, to accomplish something to make you proud. he was a useless person in the sea of faces that you see and forget the next second. i really have to reason to live already. its not anything. but its just that the emotional hurt is too great. such pain was known to shatter the highest mountains. im keeping it within me, letting it shatter me from inside out. im brittle now. extremely fragile. however long it will be inside, i will let it be. the body will shatter soon. how long, i dont bet on the odds. punters, take your best bet and see who gets the top prize.
maybe when im gone, the world will be a better place to live in. we'll see how. i spoke the truth today. to both. my consience is clear. if i die, i die knowing that i have spoken the truth finally. that i kept nothing within me already. i emptied out my soul to make things right, or at the very least, to push it in the direction where it should be. or where my heart tells me it should be.
take out my pain and flush it down, i dont wanna hear the screams in my head already. it is too hurtful. it is too distracting. it is too heartwrenching. let something more physical hurt, miam and murder me.
PLEASE. THROW. ME. IN. THE. SEA. OF. ENDLESS. SORROWS. i belong there. not on earth. not where my actions are destructive to others.
what im doing is hurting a lot of people. im sorry to those i've hurt. in the event that i may not wake up the following day, who knows right? this i have to say. i love too many, but ethics concur that i can only have one. i could have made a decision at making my life right again. and in retrospect, i could have made it a more screwed up place to live in. which is which? im lost totally. im soft hearted. im just a teddy bear behind a stern face. why why why...
why must all these happen to me? i just dont know. mom, if you read this one day, you'll know what your son is like. he never was a good boy, to accomplish something to make you proud. he was a useless person in the sea of faces that you see and forget the next second. i really have to reason to live already. its not anything. but its just that the emotional hurt is too great. such pain was known to shatter the highest mountains. im keeping it within me, letting it shatter me from inside out. im brittle now. extremely fragile. however long it will be inside, i will let it be. the body will shatter soon. how long, i dont bet on the odds. punters, take your best bet and see who gets the top prize.
maybe when im gone, the world will be a better place to live in. we'll see how. i spoke the truth today. to both. my consience is clear. if i die, i die knowing that i have spoken the truth finally. that i kept nothing within me already. i emptied out my soul to make things right, or at the very least, to push it in the direction where it should be. or where my heart tells me it should be.
take out my pain and flush it down, i dont wanna hear the screams in my head already. it is too hurtful. it is too distracting. it is too heartwrenching. let something more physical hurt, miam and murder me.
PLEASE. THROW. ME. IN. THE. SEA. OF. ENDLESS. SORROWS. i belong there. not on earth. not where my actions are destructive to others.
I messed this area @
01:25
01:25