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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
i dont know. i dont care. im sick and goddamn tired of deluding myself. i need a damn break from life. it isnt giving me any. the current is too strong to swim against and its pushing me out into the unknown sea. somehow, life just kicks you when ur down. and then, it kicks somemore. o well. i learn to roll with the punches whether i like it or not or whether its painful or not. i wanna keep going. i wanna keep pushing. i wanna make it out of this paradox. i want to stand on my own 2 feet.
all these things i want. but can i achieve it ever? you know what? fuck it. im tired. im drained. the thing is, i dont want any body to depend on me, and i dont want to depend on anyone. what i want in life, is... hell, i dont know. im pretty messed up, im pretty screwed.
anyway, the answer is a no. im still going with what i intended to do. hell, i have to take charge of my life. if i dont, whos going to? dont give me that fucked up bullshit that THE big man upstairs plan things for me. no way, no how. i choose how im gonna turn out. i choose what im gonna do. and most of all, i choose my destiny. no one is gonna do that for me no more. im a damn hardcore asshole. well, at least i think myself to be. i go for what i want, without looking back. there is no way to look back anymore. i dont want to. i guess that CCL has told me something that is quite invisible to me. "you dont have to like what you are doing, but you sure as hell have to do it to get to your objective. dont bitch, cry or whine. move it or lose it. look at the damn future and tell yourself you have to go. letting others pull you back is gonna cost consequences that you aint gonna like."
im not going to throw my shit into the locker anymore and lock it up. im clearing it all out. i have to. the locker has only that much space and i have more that that much shit. i've bottled too much things within me. and those things are taking a toll on me. i lose sleep, i just read to get my mind off things. is that my reason out of life? probably. life's a bitch. im dealing with it.
i want you damn damn damn fucking badly. cos in my book, you are everything. everytime i want to say something important, it screws up in my mouth. its not anything. i just dont know how to put it across to you properly. maybe some day, i'll continue trying till then. falling and failing is part and parcel of life. i can deal with that. im still going to make my mark anyway. i have to. the sacrifices i make isnt great. it isnt earth-shattering either. i already said that i cant have my cake and eat it. i cant have both. i can only take one. i guess its about time i make that jump. whether i reach that ledge at the otherside or not, its not my concern. i sure as hell am going to make that jump with all my strength. if i fall into the abyss, its no matter. im still going to climb out, broken bones and all, and make that jump again. simple as that.
my final say is that im stupid for all my results. im nowhere near smart. im willing to accept hurt and all that other rubbish. and its cos of 1 thing. 'love'
'freedom is defined as the ability to do things at your own will. your own time. without answering to anyone but yourself. im not asking you to do anything but just to be yourself. but in a sense, just inform me for i care and worry about you.'
'is love binding to make someone obligated? maybe. but i believe its cos of love that i do such things.'
'love isnt realiable? maybe.'
'if you go down baby, you are not alone. im going too. i dont give a damn about what you say that you are not worth it. sure as hell you aint worth it. you are priceless and irreplaceable. thats why.'
you know what CCL? you happen to be the best teacher in life. life lessons are hard and painful. thanks for a couple. it hurts like fuck, big deal. you opened my eyes. thanks. cheers!
all these things i want. but can i achieve it ever? you know what? fuck it. im tired. im drained. the thing is, i dont want any body to depend on me, and i dont want to depend on anyone. what i want in life, is... hell, i dont know. im pretty messed up, im pretty screwed.
anyway, the answer is a no. im still going with what i intended to do. hell, i have to take charge of my life. if i dont, whos going to? dont give me that fucked up bullshit that THE big man upstairs plan things for me. no way, no how. i choose how im gonna turn out. i choose what im gonna do. and most of all, i choose my destiny. no one is gonna do that for me no more. im a damn hardcore asshole. well, at least i think myself to be. i go for what i want, without looking back. there is no way to look back anymore. i dont want to. i guess that CCL has told me something that is quite invisible to me. "you dont have to like what you are doing, but you sure as hell have to do it to get to your objective. dont bitch, cry or whine. move it or lose it. look at the damn future and tell yourself you have to go. letting others pull you back is gonna cost consequences that you aint gonna like."
im not going to throw my shit into the locker anymore and lock it up. im clearing it all out. i have to. the locker has only that much space and i have more that that much shit. i've bottled too much things within me. and those things are taking a toll on me. i lose sleep, i just read to get my mind off things. is that my reason out of life? probably. life's a bitch. im dealing with it.
i want you damn damn damn fucking badly. cos in my book, you are everything. everytime i want to say something important, it screws up in my mouth. its not anything. i just dont know how to put it across to you properly. maybe some day, i'll continue trying till then. falling and failing is part and parcel of life. i can deal with that. im still going to make my mark anyway. i have to. the sacrifices i make isnt great. it isnt earth-shattering either. i already said that i cant have my cake and eat it. i cant have both. i can only take one. i guess its about time i make that jump. whether i reach that ledge at the otherside or not, its not my concern. i sure as hell am going to make that jump with all my strength. if i fall into the abyss, its no matter. im still going to climb out, broken bones and all, and make that jump again. simple as that.
my final say is that im stupid for all my results. im nowhere near smart. im willing to accept hurt and all that other rubbish. and its cos of 1 thing. 'love'
'freedom is defined as the ability to do things at your own will. your own time. without answering to anyone but yourself. im not asking you to do anything but just to be yourself. but in a sense, just inform me for i care and worry about you.'
'is love binding to make someone obligated? maybe. but i believe its cos of love that i do such things.'
'love isnt realiable? maybe.'
'if you go down baby, you are not alone. im going too. i dont give a damn about what you say that you are not worth it. sure as hell you aint worth it. you are priceless and irreplaceable. thats why.'
you know what CCL? you happen to be the best teacher in life. life lessons are hard and painful. thanks for a couple. it hurts like fuck, big deal. you opened my eyes. thanks. cheers!
I messed this area @
02:25
02:25