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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
sianitization... the entire week was relatively shitty. work still not handed in and constantly piling up with deadlines looming, tests for certain subjects, presentation didnt go as well as i hoped it would as i took damn long, and feeling kinda down... knn, i dunno wat got over me. sometimes i get these kinda mood swings. and oso feel a bit sick. o well, it'll pass in due time. i hope. besides, for most of the entire week, i wasnt really listening to class... and today, read the Da Vinci Code during class when i should have been listening. b-e-a-utiful...
anyways, its been so long since i last blogged... been busy and feeling so tired. i guess whenever i feel down, i take a long walk home. starting from NUS to my place, its roughly an hour walk. i walk at a leisurely pace and enjoy the greenery... and passing a park too, so usually i wind inside and slow down. when i wanna be, i can be real quiet and just keep to myself. maybe thats why many find me a cold fish. haha, thats an opinion of myself from my view. but i enjoy the serenity in a park and quiet places. thats where i can lay out my thoughts and think of my position. its just so hectic sometimes that i choose to walk home instead of taking a bus.
anyway, exams are coming up soon and have to work like mad again. im starting to think that maybe life isnt worth all this. in the end, you come out with a diploma and have to work for a degree. and after the degree, people go on for their masters and you are forced to go after the same route so you dont fall behind. or if you do, then you dont fall too far back. and ultimately, you have your masters and you get a relatively high paying job. and when the time comes, you are retrenched just because you draw too high a salary and the company can then hire cheap young saps to come in with a masters and take over in due time. i get the feeling that life is to set you up to fail. maybe not life, but education. what an irony. somewhere where you learn things from books with no hands on knowledge from the working world, and exams are mainly to make you memorise stuff. information where you 'vomit' the things u learn into exam papers. its not based on how good you are at working your way around problems anymore. its now on how well you memorise items. like formulaes... dammit, the entire education system is now defunct. and theres nothing that can be done about it. progress? thats not progress. thats degress! we are moving into an era where the students are, in broader terms, parrots. great... here i am lamenting about how shitty the education system is when i am an afterproduct of the system itself. and who am i to comment on this? go figure...
o well, i dunno what to do abt myself.. slog it out for the 2 years and get a diploma as an engineer a.k.a parrot? sheesh, maybe thats the reason for me feeling down these few days. i kinda got fed up about not understanding my subjects and took a step back and re-evaluated my situation. and this is what i got. damn, i just feel so tired. i guess, in due time, i'll better understand the paradox of the education system and make a choice to determine the correct path to go. but for now, im so messed up with my work and im feeling so down. great...
ahh, its late already. and i wanna sleep. not worth it to keep up the late nights anymore. feel very fatigued. and just keep in the hope, that the next day will be better than the previous. and along the way, shed this cloak of darkness and pessimistic attitude that surrounds me now to be a happy and optimistic person after all... nite all, and thanks for indulging in my views for this past week.
and for those that are always near me, forgive me for not being my usual crappy self. though i sometimes break free, these thoughts come back within the hour. Good nite/day..
anyways, its been so long since i last blogged... been busy and feeling so tired. i guess whenever i feel down, i take a long walk home. starting from NUS to my place, its roughly an hour walk. i walk at a leisurely pace and enjoy the greenery... and passing a park too, so usually i wind inside and slow down. when i wanna be, i can be real quiet and just keep to myself. maybe thats why many find me a cold fish. haha, thats an opinion of myself from my view. but i enjoy the serenity in a park and quiet places. thats where i can lay out my thoughts and think of my position. its just so hectic sometimes that i choose to walk home instead of taking a bus.
anyway, exams are coming up soon and have to work like mad again. im starting to think that maybe life isnt worth all this. in the end, you come out with a diploma and have to work for a degree. and after the degree, people go on for their masters and you are forced to go after the same route so you dont fall behind. or if you do, then you dont fall too far back. and ultimately, you have your masters and you get a relatively high paying job. and when the time comes, you are retrenched just because you draw too high a salary and the company can then hire cheap young saps to come in with a masters and take over in due time. i get the feeling that life is to set you up to fail. maybe not life, but education. what an irony. somewhere where you learn things from books with no hands on knowledge from the working world, and exams are mainly to make you memorise stuff. information where you 'vomit' the things u learn into exam papers. its not based on how good you are at working your way around problems anymore. its now on how well you memorise items. like formulaes... dammit, the entire education system is now defunct. and theres nothing that can be done about it. progress? thats not progress. thats degress! we are moving into an era where the students are, in broader terms, parrots. great... here i am lamenting about how shitty the education system is when i am an afterproduct of the system itself. and who am i to comment on this? go figure...
o well, i dunno what to do abt myself.. slog it out for the 2 years and get a diploma as an engineer a.k.a parrot? sheesh, maybe thats the reason for me feeling down these few days. i kinda got fed up about not understanding my subjects and took a step back and re-evaluated my situation. and this is what i got. damn, i just feel so tired. i guess, in due time, i'll better understand the paradox of the education system and make a choice to determine the correct path to go. but for now, im so messed up with my work and im feeling so down. great...
ahh, its late already. and i wanna sleep. not worth it to keep up the late nights anymore. feel very fatigued. and just keep in the hope, that the next day will be better than the previous. and along the way, shed this cloak of darkness and pessimistic attitude that surrounds me now to be a happy and optimistic person after all... nite all, and thanks for indulging in my views for this past week.
and for those that are always near me, forgive me for not being my usual crappy self. though i sometimes break free, these thoughts come back within the hour. Good nite/day..
I messed this area @
01:31
01:31