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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
anger, pain, love, hate... what i feel, i just dont know. maybe..... fear..... too..... the major 5 combines into a lethal emotion overflow.
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so you think you know the real meaning of fear?
yeah, you think you do know, but i doubt it.
when you sit in a shelter with bombs falling all over,
and the houses around you are burning like torches,
i agree that you experience horror and fright.
for such moments are dreadful, for as long as they last,
but the all-clear sounds - then its okay -
you take a deep breath, the stress has passed by.
but real fear is a stone deep down in your chest.
you hear me? a stone. thats what it is, no more.
-Ilya Selvinskiy (Sprakh)(Fear)
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i managed to get some work done due to fear. fear of failing. fear of retaking the module. but its just empty now. tried to act happy. failed at that. face just turned gloomy and serious. i know what im doing, but i dont know why. every action i do is just an action without meaning, without knowledge... i look at others, they have a path in life, a goal to reach. i lost my path, my goal... forever?? i dont know. and i dont care. and while doing the paper, my mind went blank. my eyes turned grey and cold, like those of a ruthless murderer. i dont wanna be like this, but i lost the control of my mind over body. totally lost it, when i need it most. and did some scribbling on the question paper. this is what i wrote.
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my mind is blank now. i conjur up an image of you. my mind is screaming out for formulas to continue my paper, but it now holds nothing. and i start to question God Himself, is this a challenge to me? if it is, i will show you what i can do. i will tide over this and fight my way out. Till my last breath. i will show you what I AM CAPABLE OF for testing me! TRY ME AND YOU'LL KNOW MY WRATH!
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i noticed that the examiner was observing me... saw my hands trembling. clenched around the pencil. i was shaking with rage, with the thoughts of revenge at the world for treating me like this. corner a dog without the chance of escape, and you'll know that the dog has sharp teeth. if i grow so deranged, feel free to end my life. but i regain my senses in time. i have to continue my paper. to pass this once and for all. and i get back and work on it to finish it off. and i emerge from the exam hall early, but at least in the knowledge that i have passed.
and i dont feel like going home. just like a homeless kid, i felt the need to stray around. to try and free my mind for the next paper. my mind is a complete blank. people pass me, and i just stand and watch them pass. my eyes see them, but dont record the movements. my mind doesnt work anymore. it has a mind of its own. every body part has its own mind and i lost control over it. im afraid here. im afraid i will suddenly hit out at someone. and i quickly scurry home, to hide in the darkness. and know that the rest are safe from me.
i need the time to think. to process what is going on. and i need to calm down, and rationalise. and most importantly, i have to study.
----------------------------------------------------
so you think you know the real meaning of fear?
yeah, you think you do know, but i doubt it.
when you sit in a shelter with bombs falling all over,
and the houses around you are burning like torches,
i agree that you experience horror and fright.
for such moments are dreadful, for as long as they last,
but the all-clear sounds - then its okay -
you take a deep breath, the stress has passed by.
but real fear is a stone deep down in your chest.
you hear me? a stone. thats what it is, no more.
-Ilya Selvinskiy (Sprakh)(Fear)
---------------------------------------------------
i managed to get some work done due to fear. fear of failing. fear of retaking the module. but its just empty now. tried to act happy. failed at that. face just turned gloomy and serious. i know what im doing, but i dont know why. every action i do is just an action without meaning, without knowledge... i look at others, they have a path in life, a goal to reach. i lost my path, my goal... forever?? i dont know. and i dont care. and while doing the paper, my mind went blank. my eyes turned grey and cold, like those of a ruthless murderer. i dont wanna be like this, but i lost the control of my mind over body. totally lost it, when i need it most. and did some scribbling on the question paper. this is what i wrote.
---------------------------------------------------
my mind is blank now. i conjur up an image of you. my mind is screaming out for formulas to continue my paper, but it now holds nothing. and i start to question God Himself, is this a challenge to me? if it is, i will show you what i can do. i will tide over this and fight my way out. Till my last breath. i will show you what I AM CAPABLE OF for testing me! TRY ME AND YOU'LL KNOW MY WRATH!
---------------------------------------------------
i noticed that the examiner was observing me... saw my hands trembling. clenched around the pencil. i was shaking with rage, with the thoughts of revenge at the world for treating me like this. corner a dog without the chance of escape, and you'll know that the dog has sharp teeth. if i grow so deranged, feel free to end my life. but i regain my senses in time. i have to continue my paper. to pass this once and for all. and i get back and work on it to finish it off. and i emerge from the exam hall early, but at least in the knowledge that i have passed.
and i dont feel like going home. just like a homeless kid, i felt the need to stray around. to try and free my mind for the next paper. my mind is a complete blank. people pass me, and i just stand and watch them pass. my eyes see them, but dont record the movements. my mind doesnt work anymore. it has a mind of its own. every body part has its own mind and i lost control over it. im afraid here. im afraid i will suddenly hit out at someone. and i quickly scurry home, to hide in the darkness. and know that the rest are safe from me.
i need the time to think. to process what is going on. and i need to calm down, and rationalise. and most importantly, i have to study.
I messed this area @
19:19
19:19