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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
My manager called me at 1am in the morning and asked me if i wanted to work. what the hell, so late already and you call me and ask. at first i said no, coz i really didnt feel like working. then thought about it, think that coz when i knew nuts that time, she still accepted me in to teach me the skills that i now possess. what shit, so decided to go back lor. another plus point was that L is working at Sitex. so she and i wouldnt see each other.
ok lor... called back at 2am, agree to work for 2 days. and then sure enough, woke up late for work.. haiz. rush to work, then start to open shop already. ok, for the day, i sold 2 laptops and 1 digital camera... woohoo... not bad la... coz today no mood to sell actually. wah sian... kept thinking about her and then really broke my promise to myself not to smoke. i went out for a break to smoke as usual lor. i know its not good and all that jazz, but what hell do i care when i see every couple and envision me and her together?? kinda has a psychological effect to make me suicidal. fuck it.
so anyway, work day end, i called her and asked her if she wanted me to go to expo to send her home. shes bloody indecisive, so the answer i got was anything. you want, i go. dont want, i dont go. thats it! how bloody hard can it be to make a decision like that?? so i travelled down to expo and then suddenly thought about that day when she mentioned the favourite drink she liked. so i rushed all the way to simei and then bought that drink, and took the train back to expo... ya, sounds dumb, but then, its the little things that makes it special to me. i dont believe in sending 99 roses on valentines day. i believe in sending 99 roses when its not valentines day. thats what i will do to the person whom i love.
when i met her, she told me that she was going to JB... what the hell?!?!?!?! i rush down all the way from city hall and you tell me you going JB? all im doing is to make sure that you arrive home safe since its so late already and you are going out in the middle of the night? no sense of timing. and the reason that she is going to JB? to meet up with him. and when we were together, she didnt even bother to send me home last time... not that it matters, but that tells me that she wasnt willing to sacrifice for me. and maybe im a fool for still loving her.
so i sent her home, from expo, and during the bus ride, i told her all i have to tell her. and after that, we talked some more at the carpark near her home. end result of the talk? we stay as friends. for me, i cannot be so selfish to rush into her life and take her away from him. both parties will end up sad. my happiness, to me, is nothing compared to her happiness. and yes, i may feel sad, i may feel hurt, and im feeling depressed, but i dont want others to experience the same thing as me. and maybe thats why i take the blame for everything that goes wrong in my life. anyone will call me naive, stupid and a fool. and sadly, i agree with them.
thats all i have to say today. i still have work tomorrow. and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. i hope.
ok lor... called back at 2am, agree to work for 2 days. and then sure enough, woke up late for work.. haiz. rush to work, then start to open shop already. ok, for the day, i sold 2 laptops and 1 digital camera... woohoo... not bad la... coz today no mood to sell actually. wah sian... kept thinking about her and then really broke my promise to myself not to smoke. i went out for a break to smoke as usual lor. i know its not good and all that jazz, but what hell do i care when i see every couple and envision me and her together?? kinda has a psychological effect to make me suicidal. fuck it.
so anyway, work day end, i called her and asked her if she wanted me to go to expo to send her home. shes bloody indecisive, so the answer i got was anything. you want, i go. dont want, i dont go. thats it! how bloody hard can it be to make a decision like that?? so i travelled down to expo and then suddenly thought about that day when she mentioned the favourite drink she liked. so i rushed all the way to simei and then bought that drink, and took the train back to expo... ya, sounds dumb, but then, its the little things that makes it special to me. i dont believe in sending 99 roses on valentines day. i believe in sending 99 roses when its not valentines day. thats what i will do to the person whom i love.
when i met her, she told me that she was going to JB... what the hell?!?!?!?! i rush down all the way from city hall and you tell me you going JB? all im doing is to make sure that you arrive home safe since its so late already and you are going out in the middle of the night? no sense of timing. and the reason that she is going to JB? to meet up with him. and when we were together, she didnt even bother to send me home last time... not that it matters, but that tells me that she wasnt willing to sacrifice for me. and maybe im a fool for still loving her.
so i sent her home, from expo, and during the bus ride, i told her all i have to tell her. and after that, we talked some more at the carpark near her home. end result of the talk? we stay as friends. for me, i cannot be so selfish to rush into her life and take her away from him. both parties will end up sad. my happiness, to me, is nothing compared to her happiness. and yes, i may feel sad, i may feel hurt, and im feeling depressed, but i dont want others to experience the same thing as me. and maybe thats why i take the blame for everything that goes wrong in my life. anyone will call me naive, stupid and a fool. and sadly, i agree with them.
thats all i have to say today. i still have work tomorrow. and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. i hope.
I messed this area @
02:24
02:24