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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
i really dont know what to do already... all day at work i was damn lethargic and felt like shit. body ache all over till i went out for a smoke. damn shit. its like becoming a habit already. and that i really cannot be bothered abt what happenes to me in the future. shit hell.
then later, i went home with L. then talk with her at her flat lobby. so talk and talk. then just ask her a question. whether she loves her current bf. she said yes. so what can i do? just leave her lor. i mean, i told her i dont wanna spoil her happiness and such. and that i told her if someone has to lose in the relationship, i rather it be me. and that i feel that i have tried my best and i cannot turn back time. i took out my ring and told her flatly, that when we bought the rings, it was a pair. and it will always remain a pair. then the most painful thing i had to do was walk away from her. damnit... i just feel so lost then. i lost in the game and then decided to walk in the middle of the freaking road, hoping for a car to run by and hit me. sheesh, real dumb when u think abt it, but i felt damn suicidal at that time. really wanted to die then.
so cannot die, took a cab back home and then decided to drink again. drank only 1 or 2 cans of beer. nothing much. but felt damn lousy. and then went home only, go into my room and laid down. keep thinking abt her and dunno wat to do. i felt so depressed then so decided to call my brother. (this guy is a friend that i got to know in MI and then we became very good friends. more than friends, hes the brother i never had.). he tried to help me out and told me to stop all this shit that i was getting in. basket. its like i feel that its my only way out already. dunno wat else to do except drink and forget. anyway, when i was talking to him halfway, guess who called. so she called and then i told him that i talk to him later and then i retrieved her call. basket, such things wont tell you abt what we talked. but anyway, we talked up to 4 am in the morning. so at least i know myself and what she wants better.
talk finish, story end already. so i cannot take it, then go sleep already. sleeping, smoking and drinking are my way out of this mess. just waiting for it to happen only. and death will just be another thing that happens to me. thats the way i feel. anyway, i feel very tired and i want to go sleep again. cya later.
then later, i went home with L. then talk with her at her flat lobby. so talk and talk. then just ask her a question. whether she loves her current bf. she said yes. so what can i do? just leave her lor. i mean, i told her i dont wanna spoil her happiness and such. and that i told her if someone has to lose in the relationship, i rather it be me. and that i feel that i have tried my best and i cannot turn back time. i took out my ring and told her flatly, that when we bought the rings, it was a pair. and it will always remain a pair. then the most painful thing i had to do was walk away from her. damnit... i just feel so lost then. i lost in the game and then decided to walk in the middle of the freaking road, hoping for a car to run by and hit me. sheesh, real dumb when u think abt it, but i felt damn suicidal at that time. really wanted to die then.
so cannot die, took a cab back home and then decided to drink again. drank only 1 or 2 cans of beer. nothing much. but felt damn lousy. and then went home only, go into my room and laid down. keep thinking abt her and dunno wat to do. i felt so depressed then so decided to call my brother. (this guy is a friend that i got to know in MI and then we became very good friends. more than friends, hes the brother i never had.). he tried to help me out and told me to stop all this shit that i was getting in. basket. its like i feel that its my only way out already. dunno wat else to do except drink and forget. anyway, when i was talking to him halfway, guess who called. so she called and then i told him that i talk to him later and then i retrieved her call. basket, such things wont tell you abt what we talked. but anyway, we talked up to 4 am in the morning. so at least i know myself and what she wants better.
talk finish, story end already. so i cannot take it, then go sleep already. sleeping, smoking and drinking are my way out of this mess. just waiting for it to happen only. and death will just be another thing that happens to me. thats the way i feel. anyway, i feel very tired and i want to go sleep again. cya later.
I messed this area @
10:06
10:06