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Joce-lyn
All I yearn, is for the love of someone, coupled with the love from my sibling and parents. And to me, true love is when one sees an imperfect person perfectly. Which is what I see in you. The degree of the love that I have for you, I will learn from my past mistakes and make myself better for you. Just you. Then again, maybe I'm never the one. I'm not perfect, nor am I good in any sense.
Actions never coincide with words, and thoughts never coincide with either. That is, if you ever get past the first sentence.
sianz.. another day at work come and gone. haha, lucky today made the right decisions and closed quite a few deals. luck is always a part of sales, so i guess i was lucky today.
but damn, always feel freaking sad whenever im at work.
dunno what is wrong with me. sometimes i think that i may be going crazy and that i should go die... beats the shit out of me why my thinking has turned so negative. maybe its because of all the things that has went wrong in my life and that its accumalated to a point that i feel too stressed out. whats more, i let my boss down by telling her that i may not be able to work the full month. shit, had to lie to her, but what choice do i have? tell her that the pressure is too great for me? thats the same as telling her that i cannot take stress. shit, freaking weak attitude that i have. but anyway, all i want to do is try to live through the whole month. that is if the cigarrettes and the liquor doesnt kill me first. started that shit all over again and feel damn lousy.
i dunno what is going on within me. i just feel so messed up and resorted to smoking to relieve stress. what others say, i think its silly. but then, the smoke really destresses you in a way. how, i dont know. but then it just feels so relaxed after the cig... damnit... here i go again... always thinking abt dying in the end. my thoughts has turned into such negativity and its making me so goth... thinking in black and white all the time. basket.. seems like all the colour has drained from me. o well, its not that i can do anything about it except quit from the job currently. i think its coz i have too much memories within the place and the people itself. dont bother to ask, coz i wont tell it. thats one of the many things that i keep to myself. i guess when things do not need to be known, i wont tell them. part of my nature which i believe in a need to know basis.
well, its late already and i still gotta work tomorrow. still need to show my face at work for a minimum of 7 days. trying to hang in there for the whole month if i can. all i can say is, i try. and i hope that the determination is there to support me through. nitez...
but damn, always feel freaking sad whenever im at work.
dunno what is wrong with me. sometimes i think that i may be going crazy and that i should go die... beats the shit out of me why my thinking has turned so negative. maybe its because of all the things that has went wrong in my life and that its accumalated to a point that i feel too stressed out. whats more, i let my boss down by telling her that i may not be able to work the full month. shit, had to lie to her, but what choice do i have? tell her that the pressure is too great for me? thats the same as telling her that i cannot take stress. shit, freaking weak attitude that i have. but anyway, all i want to do is try to live through the whole month. that is if the cigarrettes and the liquor doesnt kill me first. started that shit all over again and feel damn lousy.
i dunno what is going on within me. i just feel so messed up and resorted to smoking to relieve stress. what others say, i think its silly. but then, the smoke really destresses you in a way. how, i dont know. but then it just feels so relaxed after the cig... damnit... here i go again... always thinking abt dying in the end. my thoughts has turned into such negativity and its making me so goth... thinking in black and white all the time. basket.. seems like all the colour has drained from me. o well, its not that i can do anything about it except quit from the job currently. i think its coz i have too much memories within the place and the people itself. dont bother to ask, coz i wont tell it. thats one of the many things that i keep to myself. i guess when things do not need to be known, i wont tell them. part of my nature which i believe in a need to know basis.
well, its late already and i still gotta work tomorrow. still need to show my face at work for a minimum of 7 days. trying to hang in there for the whole month if i can. all i can say is, i try. and i hope that the determination is there to support me through. nitez...
I messed this area @
01:15
01:15